Can A Man Love His Wife More After His Affair?

I recently heard from a wife whose husband was proclaiming that he “loved her even more” in the months after his affair.  The wife thought he was just saying this to get back in her good graces again.  She didn’t believe this for a second.  She asked in part “is it possible for a husband to love his wife even more after his affair or is this just something that husbands say because they think it’s what we want to hear?”  I’ll give you my take on this in the following article.

I Believe That It Is Completely Possible For A Husband To Love His Wife More After Cheating Or Having An Affair: I’m sure some would say I have the opinion that I do because I WANT to believe that my husband loves me more after his affair.   And that may be a valid point.  But I have countless men write me on my blog who don’t know me at all.  They have no reason to lie.  I don’t know them or their wife.

And they are literally desperate for a way to make this up to their wife.  They want someone to tell them how.  Because they tell me that the threat of losing their wife makes them realize just how much they love her and how much they would devastated to lose her.  Many now realize how much they have taken their wife for granted and how much they regret this.

Does this mean they love her more than they did before they had an affair? That’s not for me to say. But I do believe that seeing their wife’s reaction, pain, and disappointment can bring feelings to the surface that were long buried.  And thinking that he’s messed up enough to potentially lose his wife will often seem to intensify his feelings – seemingly over night.

This change of heart can seem abrupt or even insincere to wives.  But I can tell you that I believe most men who insist to me that they love their wives and would do anything to convince her of that. Is it possible that he’s only claiming to love you more to win you over and get you to forgive him?  I suppose so.

But, if his love for you wasn’t true, what would be his incentive to lie and claim that it was?  I mean, if he didn’t love you and want to be with you, why lie?  Because if he’s successful in convincing you or this, then there’s a chance you’ll want to save the marriage and continue to be with him.  If he didn’t really love you, why would he want that?  Why would he sentence himself to a life with someone he didn’t love or want to be with.

I know that some will argue he’s doing it for his kids or because he doesn’t want to lose everything in a divorce, but it would have to be a pretty superficial person to do this.  To me, if he’s telling you that he loves you more after the affair, then you have to make a decision as to whether you want to listen.  You don’t necessarily have to believe him that very second. But you can make a decision as to whether or not you want to let him prove that to you.

Because his words are honestly just that – his words.  It’s his actions over the long haul that are going to tell you the truth.  My strategy has always been to be open to what he says but to make him prove it to me.

In my mind, there’s less risk in this strategy.  You see for yourself over time.  The truth will reveal itself because he’s either going to live up to this claim or he isn’t.  But if you make a decision before you give him this chance, then you would never really know.

I do believe my husband loves me more than before his affair.  And I don’t think it’s from guilt.  I think it’s because of all the work we did on our marriage.  Our bond is actually stronger.  It wasn’t always easy, but it was worth it.  If you like, you can read the story of how I healed (even when I didn’t always think this was possible) and we saved our marriage after the affair on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com

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