I Want To Feel True Happiness Again After My Husband’s Affair, But I Don’t Know If It’s Possible

By: Katie Lersch:   I often hear from wives who wonder if they will ever be truly happy again after their husband cheated or had an affair.  Many can divide their happiness level into two levels – before the infidelity and after it.

I heard from a wife who said: “although it might be hard to believe today, I actually used to be a very happy person.  I used to be a ‘glass half full’ type person, but I’m certainly not that way anymore.  Ever since my husband had an affair with one of my friends, I feel as if bad things are always going to happen.  I am always wondering what tragedy is going to be put in my path next.  And I hate having to live this way.  But husband’s betrayal seems to have stolen all of the happiness from my life and I miss it.  I want to be blissfully happy again. I want to laugh again.  But every time I have these thoughts, I think that they are impossible because I just don’t feel as if I have all that much to be happy about. ”  I will share what tips I offered to this wife in the following article.

You Can Be Happy Again After Your Husband’s Affair, But It May Be The Small Things That Bring You Happiness At First: After your husband cheats on you, it’s very normal to be able to place your focus on little else.  It’s hard to think about other areas in your life when one major area has been shaken to its core.  However, it’s not fair or healthy for you to be robbed of the other areas that bring you happiness.  The sun is still going to rise.  You just have to look at it.  The birds are still singing.  You just have to listen.  You are still here and therefore you can count on the fact that tomorrow might be a little better.  Not every human being is going to be this lucky.

All of us can find little things to be grateful for and to be happy about.  Make no mistake.  An affair is painful.  It’s not a joyous occasion.   But there are other areas of your life that can bring you joy, especially while you are healing.  And it is vital for you to seek those things out, to hold them close, and to savor and lean on them.   If you place every ounce of your focus on your husband or his infidelity, of course you are going to struggle with happiness because you are leaving room for little else.  But if you very deliberately try to seek out small and manageable pockets of happiness in other areas, then you may well find these things very hard to ignore.

Understand That Happiness Can Return With Healing  (No Matter Where That Healing Leads.) Healing just takes time.  But once it happens, it can change your entire perspective which in turn can change your ability to embrace happiness.   Some wives are able to heal their marriage and this can bring about its own peace of mind.  Other women ultimately decide to walk away from their marriage, but this certainly doesn’t mean that they can’t be every bit as happy (if not more so) once they are able to start over.   Some of these women actually look back and see the infidelity as a gift because it allowed them to embrace the life that they should have had all along but  never would have had the courage seek were it not the push that the infidelity provided.

I’m not telling you this to make light of your situation.  I would never do that as I have been through this myself.  I am just trying to help you put things in perspective.  I know this is painful, but tomorrow is a new day.  You will take this day by day and you will embrace what is good and right in your life while dealing with those things that are not.

Sometimes You Have To Force Yourself To Seek Out Happiness, Even If You Don’t Believe It’s Possible: I know that there are some days when you just want to go home, lock the doors and pull the bedsheets over your head.  And some days, that’s perfectly OK.  However, you have to remember that your husband’s mistake doesn’t take away your ability and your right to feel joy and peace.  You have every right to have the best life that you yourself can create for yourself.  Don’t allow for his actions to take that from you.

Now, you may well find a way to be happy with him once again.  Or, you may decide that this isn’t possible.  But I would argue that you can be joyous either way.  One aspect of your life doesn’t need to make up your entire well being.

His poor judgment certainly doesn’t have to mandate a life sentence of misery for you.  In fact, I would argue that you can refuse to allow this to happen.  You can choose where to place your focus.  You can choose to surround yourself with positive and loving people who only want to help you.  You can determine where you’d like to place your focus and how you’d like to spend your time.  In short, you have much more control than you think.  I know that this is not easy.  But the choices that you make and your own conscious efforts do matter a great deal right now.

If you would have told me in the weeks following my husbands infidelity that I would be as happy as I am today, I would have never believed you.  There were some miserable days early on, but I eventually did reclaim my happiness by being very deliberate about my focus.  My husband and I did reconcile and our marriage is very solid.  However, I think that I could have been happy either way.  If it helps, you can read my story on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com

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