My Husband Says The Other Woman Is Trying To Blackmail Him

Wives who are dealing with infidelity want a couple of things, just for starters.  They want a remorseful spouse.  They want to know that the other person is out of the picture and that their spouse has ended the affair firmly and permanently.  Unfortunately, even when some husbands try to do this, the other person does not always play along.  Sometimes, the husband sincerely and legitimately will try to end things and the other person will try to blackmail him into staying in the affair.

A wife might be dealing with a situation like this one. ” I know that it’s a cliche, but my husband cheated with someone from work.  He told me about it, but only because the other woman was threatening to tell me herself.  When she began threatening him, my husband changed his mind about the relationship very quickly.  He became angry, realized that the relationship was more trouble than it was worth, and broke it off.  The other woman wouldn’t accept it, though.  She’s telling him that if he doesn’t continue on with the relationship, she’s going to tell the higher-ups in the office about the relationship.  My husband is not her boss or supervisor.  But coworkers are not supposed to date.  Technically my husband has more seniority with the company than she does, so they might see this as my husband’s fault.  She’s also telling my husband that she’s going to send me photos and other stuff that is going to embarrass my husband.  She also stated that he owes her money, because she put down a deposit for a vacation that they were going to take together and now she’s lost her money. So my husband is now panicked.  I don’t think that he wants her back because, let’s be honest, going back just lets her have her way and creates a larger monster. But he doesn’t want his work to find out.  And I certainly don’t want her contacting me with pictures.  But I don’t know how to handle this.”

I’m not an attorney or in law enforcement, so I’m not sure about legalities, but you could certainly reach out to see if there is anything that local authorities could do about the blackmail.  Beyond this, I’m not sure that it would be at all beneficial to bow to any of her demands.  If your husband did that, her threats would likely become larger and larger every single time he wanted to break it off.  It would be a never ending cycle.  If he’s truly done with the relationship and wants to move on, then he should be firm and tell her that regardless of what she says or threatens, the relationship is over.  Your husband will need to decide whether he should go ahead and tell his company before she can do further damage.  And he’s already told you, which really helps to neutralize the threats where she is concerned.  I would block her from my social media and phone.  If she tries to send you snail mail, return it to sender unopened.  If she comes on your property to talk to you, call the police.  Sometimes, it is necessary to change your phone numbers so that she no longer has access to you or your husband.

There are restraining orders that you can seek in these situations, so your husband will need to determine if this is going to be necessary.  Blackmailing people and making threats are illegal, so it’s possible that law enforcement might have some insights on how to make this stop.  Many people will make these types of threats initially and then back off when it’s clear that this method won’t work.  But I think that you and your husband should be vigilant about this and protect yourselves.  You never know what another person is going to do and it’s better to be safe than sorry.  But threats are certainly not a valid reason to stay in a toxic, destructive relationship.  When you do that, you only make it harder and harder to exit the relationship.  And what is the point in continuing on with the damage while delaying the healing? Your husband might have to deal with whatever comes from his company and from you, but at least this way, she can no longer make threats. When your husband shows her that he’s not going to engage, she may realize that she has no currency.  If you and the employer already know about the affair, then her threats are empty.  Sure, she can try to send pictures or to offer up proof, but when she does, don’t engage.  Send them right back.  Most people will get the message and move on.  If she doesn’t, then find out what your legal rights are.  These are better alternatives than allowing her to bully your husband into remaining in a relationship that should be over.

I know that this is very difficult.  But you did nothing wrong here and your husband is trying to remove himself from this situation.  If you need outside help from authorities, do not hesitate to get it.  But in my experience, the sooner you get her out of your life, the better.  If it helps, you can read about how I moved on from the affair on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com

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