The Other Woman Is Still Texting My Husband After The Affair Is Over: Tips That Might Help

By: Katie Lersch: I sometimes hear from women who are annoyed and troubled that the other woman is still trying to keep in contact with the husband. One common way that she will attempt to do this is through texting. That way, she doesn’t have to actually talk to him and risk rejection, but she is still inserting herself into the situation in case he changes his mind.

I heard from a wife who said: “the woman that my husband had an affair with is apparently having a hard time accepting that it’s over. She texts him constantly. I do not think he’s encouraging her or going behind my back because, half of the time, the texts come through when he is standing right beside me and he doesn’t try to hide it. Sometimes he answers her that he’s busy and other times he ignores her. She texts stupid things like she asks what he is doing or if she is happy. How do I make this stop? I want her out of my life. Sometimes, I am tempted to grab his phone and call her back and scream at her. But then I wonder if that’s the best idea.”

I had to agree that it probably wasn’t the best idea to confront or even talk to her. It wasn’t likely that confronting her was going to suddenly convince her stop. In fact, sometimes it only makes her more determined to make a pest out of herself. In fact, I find that the more that you engage with her, the harder time you will have getting her to leave you alone. Because once you engage, then she will feel as if she’s responding back to you and now has a valid reason to continue on with the cycle.

Also, you may just want to make sure with your husband that he has been as clear as he can possibly be and that he has left no room whatsoever for her to misunderstand him. Some people have a hard time being very direct and even harsh after they have ended an affair. Unfortunately, sometimes this is what is required before she takes a hint. If being very firm doesn’t work, then I think there’s a way to handle this which takes a response out of her hands, which I’ll discuss more below.

Block Her From Calling Or Texting: I think the best first course of action is to get in touch with your cell phone carrier and block her numbers. All carriers are different, but much of the time, this is a simple process. In fact, I am able to easily enter the number I want to block online with my own carrier. A quick trip online or a quick phone call will often tell you what you need to do in order to block her from being able to call or text. You’ll probably want to block her cell phone, her work phone, and her home phone just to keep her from having an easy or convenient way to get in contact with him.

The Next Step Only If It’s Required: Sometimes, the other woman doesn’t give up this easily. I’ve heard of the other woman buying a new cell phone, using a friend’s phone, or even using a pay phone to continue to call after you have blocked her. You have a couple of choices.  You can just continue to block every number that she uses and hope she gets tried of switching phones all the time.  Or, the husband could consider changing his cell phone number. I know that this is a huge inconvenicene that many people will be reluctant to pursue. But, sometimes this is another alternative rather than getting a restraining order or continuing to be in contact with her (although restraining orders are there if you need them.) I find that the nastier things get, the more she tends to hang on because the more she had invested.  The quicker you can stop the process, the more likely it is that she will stop. Changing his cell number often means that she has no way to continue to text him. And texting him is often the easiest way that she has to hang on. He may also want to block her from email and from social networking accounts. You don’t want to give her any way to continue to keep tabs on or to contact him.

Often, she will not like being cut out of his life this way, but you really haven’t given her any say. And hopefully, using technology to block her will show her that your husband means what he says when he tells her that it’s over. And therefore, she should begin to move on with her own life so that you and your husband can do the same.

I know that this is very frustrating, but try to handle this quickly and efficiently with as little emotional turmoil as possible. To be quite honest about it, she probably wants to make you frustrated and angry.  Don’t give her that satisfaction by engaging with her.  You have far better things to worry about like your own healing and your marriage.  Usually, once you begin the healing process, you start to worry about her less and less.  If it helps, you can read about the progression of my healing process on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com

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