My Cheating Husband Is Now Begging Me to Forgive His Nasty Affair. But I’m Not Sure He Deserves It Or That I Can Do It.

By: Katie Lersch: I once spoke with a wife who was trying so hard to make her marriage work after her husband’s affair—but felt like she was constantly being asked to give something she just didn’t have in her anymore. A few months ago, her husband had confessed to cheating. He came clean on his own, swore it meant nothing, and promised to do everything he could to make it right.

At first, she was cautiously hopeful. She wanted to believe him. She told herself they could get through it. She even agreed to try and save the marriage.

But as time passed, more truth came out—pieces of the story that shattered her all over again. This wasn’t just a single night of weakness. It was a full-blown affair with a coworker. There were long text threads filled with affection. There were receipts for dinners, weekend getaways, and even gifts. There were words like “love” and “future.”

She told me, “The emotional part is what’s killing me. He didn’t just betray me with his body. He gave her his heart. How do I compete with that?”

And yet, now that the affair is over and he’s apparently “all in,” he tells her he’ll do anything to make things right. Every day he asks her to forgive him. And every day, she says she doesn’t know if she can.

She still loves him. That’s what makes it worse. If she didn’t love him, this might be easier.

But every time she even tries to imagine forgiving him, the image of those texts floods back in. And her chest tightens with fresh rage.

I completely understand.

I have been in that place—so torn between the desire to heal and the inability to forget. The thing is, forgiveness is complicated. Especially when you’ve been emotionally gutted by someone you trusted with your whole heart.

You Should Never Be Rushed Into Forgiving an Affair. Real Forgiveness Has to Be Earned. And Not By You:

Sometimes, people around you (even your husband) will act like forgiveness is just a decision you make. A switch you flip. But it’s not like that.

You can’t force yourself to forgive before your heart is ready. You can’t rush to let go just because he needs it. And if you try, the resentment will only build underneath the surface. You’ll feel like you gave in too soon. And that isn’t fair to you—or your healing.

So if your husband is begging for forgiveness and you’re not there yet, it’s okay to say:

“I want to get there. I hope I will. But right now, I need to see that you’re willing to do the hard work it takes to earn my trust back. I need to see that you’re consistent, accountable, and honest. I need time.”

Forgiveness isn’t a gift that gets handed out just because someone feels sorry. It’s something that has to be rebuilt over time through actions—not just words.

When Forgiveness Is Possible, It Can Be Healing. By You Can Heal Either Way

Here’s something I didn’t fully understand until I went through it myself:
Sometimes, you don’t forgive him for his sake. You forgive for your own.

Living every day in that cloud of anger, grief, and suspicion—it’s exhausting. I remember how it felt to carry that weight around. How it followed me everywhere. And how, little by little, it chipped away at the parts of me that I liked best.

When I finally got to a place where I could truly forgive—not forget, not excuse, but forgive—it felt like I could finally breathe again. It gave me the space to rebuild—not just my marriage, but also myself.

Now, that doesn’t mean forgiveness is right for everyone. Or that it’s always possible. Some betrayals cut too deep. Some husbands never truly own their mistakes or put in the work to earn their way back.

But in cases where there is true remorse, honesty, transparency, and consistent effort over time… sometimes forgiveness is exactly what allows you to move forward, even if you never thought you could.

However, if you can’t do it. That’s valid too. I know wives who have walked away and are perfectly healthy and healed today. It’s simply your choice.

I’ve Been Where You Are. And I Know That You Won’t Always Feel the Way You Do Right Now.

If you had told me, in the early days after the affair, that I’d someday feel whole again—I would have rolled my eyes at you. But it’s true.

We did the work. We had the hard conversations. We rebuilt everything from the ground up.

And I did a lot of work on myself, too. I stopped seeing the affair as something that broke me, and started seeing it as something that woke me up to what I needed, what I deserved, and what I would no longer tolerate.

Now, our marriage is sound. My self-worth is stronger. And I don’t carry the same fear anymore.

If you’re in that place of indecision—if your heart is saying maybe someday, but your pain is saying not yet—listen to yourself. There is no deadline. There is no perfect script. There is only what feels honest to you.

You can forgive when you’re ready if and when you want. But it has to be on your timeline. Not his.

If you want to read more about my story, you can find it on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com. You are not alone in this. Plenty of women have been there.