By: Katie Lersch: I often hear from wives who are left wondering what will become of the other woman with whom their husband cheated or had an affair. Often, they can’t help but admit that they wish her ill will. Because it seems as if she has been able to ruin a lot of lives and get off completely scot free. They often wonder if she ever get what she deserves.
I heard from a wife who said: “I feel like the other woman doesn’t have any price to pay. This woman at my husband’s office pursued him relentlessly until they began having an affair. When I found out about the affair, my husband agreed to break it off. However, people at his office found out about the affair and things became very uncomfortable for him at work. His supervisor strongly suggested that he tansfer to another position in a different town. He pretty much didn’t give my husband any real choice. But guess what? The transfer doesn’t pay as much as his old job. And the new town means that we will have to move and that my children will have to go to a new school. My family is just devastated by this. I may have to work rather than stay home with my children just so that we can make ends meet. And guess who was my husband’s replacement at his old job? This other woman. So now her life has actually improved while ours has deteriorated horribly. I wonder how this is fair? And I want to know if she is ever going to get what she deserves?” I’ll try my best to answer this in the following article.
I do understand how you feel. I was in the same situation and the other woman basically got to skip out of our lives with all of her destruction behind her. But I have to say that I now have a little different perspective. I do sometimes hear from “the other woman” on my blog and I have to tell you that some of them are quite hurt and devastated by the turn of events.
Why It’s Probably Not Accurate To Make Assumptions About The Other Woman: Many people assume that the other woman just seamlessly picks up the pieces of her life while the husband’s family is shattered and struggling. I can tell you from the emails that I get that this just isn’t the case. Sometimes, the other woman feels as if she had no closure whatsoever. She will tell you that one day the husband was completely invested in their relationship and loving but then, once his wife found out, he completely changed and then all of a sudden, there was no further contact allowed. It’s as if one second he’s there and an active part of her life and then the next second, he’s gone. And sometimes when all she wants is an explanation, it’s clear that she’s not going to get that either. He won’t take her calls or see her. So she just has to accept that everything he told her was a lie and that her relationship was a joke. And this process can hurt her.
I am certainly not defending her actions. But, do you see how, even if her day to day life doesn’t appear to be impacted, her emotions and her ability to cope certainly are? The truth is, even if you wanted to ask her about what she might have suffered, you probably wouldn’t get a straight answer anyway. So you can’t possibly know what she is going through. Therefore, it’s probably not always accurate to assume that she got off scot – free, although I’m sure that this is true of some women.
Why I Believe That Worrying About Yourself And Allowing The Universe To Handle The Rest Is The Best Way To Proceed: Even if the other woman was living a carefree life, it’s likely that you have enough to worry about in your own life. You deserve to be happy once again and you probably can’t do this if you are placing all of your focus on her and how she fared. Believe me when I say that I’m not defending her. Infidelity causes so much pain to so many people but the truly innocent party is this scenario is the faithful spouse and the children. So, I tend to have a lot less sympathy for the cheating spouses.
However, with that said, I also know that the family can’t begin to heal until the faithful spouse places her focus on exactly that – her healing. And dwelling or wondering about the other woman can delay this process because it keeps the focus on her. I firmly believe that the universe has a way of handing out fairness. Sure, things may not seem all that fair right now. But you have no way in knowing what the future holds. Hopefully, you won’t know what her future holds because you will no longer be thinking about her because you will be going on with your own life. And because hopefully you will have healed, you will begin to pick up the pieces of your life and be happy again.
Quite frankly, I so rarely think about the other woman today. And I’m not sure that I even wish her ill. It’s not that I hope she’s on top of the world (or hurting someone else’s family,) but I guess I don’t have the right to wish any one ill since I have so many blessings in my own life.
As I said, I believe that a huge weight will be lifted off of your shoulders if you commit to your own healing and vow to let the universe handle the rest. Once I made this declaration, things began to change for me and my healing began. Although I never would have believed it in the beginning, my husband and I did recover and we are still married today. It wasn’t easy, but it was worth it. If it helps, you can read the whole story on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com
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