My Husband’s Ex-Mistress Is Sending Me Photos of Them. What Do I Do?
By: Katie Lersch: I once knew a heartbroken wife who opened her email and found something no one ever wants to see: a flood of photos from her husband’s affair. Her husband had been involved with a woman he met at the gym—a relationship that lasted around four months. The truth came out when a mutual friend (and fellow gym goer) spotted her husband flirting with the other woman. When the wife confronted him, he didn’t deny it. He came clean and promised to end it right then and there.
At first, she wasn’t sure if she even could stay in the marriage. The betrayal cut deep. She didn’t know if she could ever trust him again—not when he went to the gym, ran errands, or worked late. But after taking some time, really reflecting, and watching how open and remorseful he seemed, she decided to give it another shot. The couple was trying to move forward and find their way—slowly, carefully.
And for a while, things were… sort of okay. The wife even overheard him on the phone breaking it off with the other woman—firm, clear, no wiggle room. He was coming straight home after work, spending all his time with his wife. He hadn’t set foot in the gym since. Because of this, she felt, cautiously, that maybe they were on the path to healing.
But then she opened her inbox. And just like that, everything unraveled again.
Attached were about fifteen photos of her husband and the other woman. Hugging. Kissing. Goofing off. Posing like a happy couple.
And what shattered her wasn’t just what they were doing—it was how he looked. She noted, “He looked so happy. There was this light in his eyes, this genuine smile I haven’t seen in years. Honestly, it tore me apart. It made me wonder if maybe he was actually happier with her than he is with me. And if that’s true… what am I even doing here?”
My heart truly broke for her. What that other woman did? It was cruel. Maybe it was a desperate, last-ditch attempt to break them up. Maybe she wanted to hurt the wife, make her doubt everything, and open a door back into the husband’s life. Or maybe she just wanted to stir up pain for the sake of it because she could. Whatever the motive, it was a gut punch to a woman already trying to rebuild trust from the ground up.
So, what now? What do you even do when something like this lands in your lap out of nowhere?
Here are the things a wife in this situation might think about:
1. Try to Find Out When the Pictures Were Taken
This was the wife’s first move—confronting her husband. He said the pictures were taken weeks before the affair ended, and once she calmed down and thought it through, she realized that made sense. He hadn’t been to the gym since, and he wasn’t in contact with the woman anymore. The timelines matched. The photos weren’t recent.
That helped a little—but only a little. Because even if the pictures weren’t new, the pain they caused was very real and very fresh.
2. Acknowledge the Feelings These Photos Stirred Up
Here’s the thing—just because the affair is over doesn’t mean the healing is done. These photos opened up a whole new wound. The wife found herself wondering if she could ever measure up to the way her husband seemed to look at the other woman. That carefree happiness, that spark—it made her question everything.
These are real fears, and they deserve to be talked about. He deserves the chance to hear her pain and respond to it. And she deserves to be heard.
3. Protect Yourself From Further Contact
The next step was figuring out how to stop this woman from getting through again. The wife didn’t know how the woman had found her email, but that didn’t matter as much as how to block her now.
Most email services let you block senders. If you’re not sure how to do that, reach out to your provider or look up the steps. And if she starts calling? Block those numbers, too. Set a clear boundary: you’re not open to communication, and you won’t let her cause any more damage.
Also? Don’t respond. No matter how tempted you are. She wants a reaction. Don’t you dare give her one.
4. Ask Yourself: Has Anything Really Changed?
I know how hard it is to be hit with something like this when you’re trying to move forward. It feels like a setback, like all your progress has crumbled. But really ask yourself: Has anything actually changed?
Yes, the photos are painful. But they’re from the past—before her husband made the decision to stay and do the work. Since then, he’s been consistent. Honest. Present. He’s doing what he said he would. So while the pain is real, it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s not committed to the marriage now.
The question is: will she let this sabotage the progress they’ve made? Or can she view it as what it likely is—a cruel attempt to shake her faith and stir up drama?
This situation is hard. No sugarcoating that. But it doesn’t have to undo everything. In the end, the wife gets to decide whether the past will define her future—or if she’ll keep moving forward, on her terms.
Because healing after betrayal isn’t a straight line. It’s messy, it’s emotional, and sometimes it throws you curveballs like this. But if the foundation is strong—and both people are willing to do the work—it can survive.
And in this case? I hoped that it would. And it did.
I know exactly how this wife felt because I, too, have been the faithful wife. But I ended up the victor, and other woman ended up the loser. And I share exactly how I did that on my blog at https://surviving-the-affair.com
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