Infidelity Articles By Katie Lersch

by Katie Lersch: I sometimes hear from wives who are unsure if they should stay or go after finding out their husband has been cheating. On the one hand, they are angry and devastated and often want to flee the situation as quickly as possible. But, on the other side of the coin, they often have children or have worked too hard on and invested too much in the marriage to just walk away from it. Not only that, but many have to admit that, despite the cheating, they love their husbands and don’t really want to leave. But, they worry that they will lose their self-respect if they stay with someone who has cheated on them.

There often isn’t one answer that fits every situation. There are many variables that go into the decision of whether you should stay with or leave a husband who has cheated on you. I will go over many of these variables in the following article.

Is Your Husband Sorry For His Cheating? Is He Willing To Take Responsibility For His Actions? Is He Willing To Make Things Right Again?: So much of saving a marriage after cheating and infidelity lies with how much the cheater is willing to take the initiative to rehabilitate the situation. Sure, one spouse can make some improvements and can control their own actions. But, in my own observation, the cheating spouse has to eventually come to a place where he can convince the faithful spouse that he is sincerely sorry and is willing to take quick and decisive action to fix this.

Now, some cheating spouses will sort of try to feel you out in the beginning just to see what they can get away with. They might try to move past all of this quite quickly because the aftermath is uncomfortable for them. So they will see if they can rush you to move on without really doing to necessary work in order to fully heal this issue. Sometimes, you will just have to call them on this and tell that although you might be willing to stay and save the marriage, you aren’t going to be willing to move forward until they show genuine remorse and work with you to come up with an acceptable plan to fix this and to ultimately strengthen the marriage and regain the trust.

Are You Willing To Believe That, With Time And Work, The Marriage Can Return To A Healthy Place So That The Trust Can Be Restored?: Yes, most of the responsibility for convincing you to stay lies with your husband, since he is the one who cheated. But, as unfair as it might sound, you will need to make some concessions too. There will usually come a time when you will have to do some soul searching and will have to make some very difficult decisions. At some point, you may have to ask yourself if you’re willing to suspend some of your resentment and doubt and be open to the idea that the marriage truly can be rehabilitated.

I know that you may not believe it now, but countless marriages are able to not only survive, but to thrive after one spouse cheated. The couples who are able to accomplish this work very hard to gradually reestablish the trust, intimacy, and confidence that they really are going to be able to be happy again. Not only that, but after all they have been through, they have usually learned how important honesty and being very open and direct are to a strong marriage.

Do You Believe That In The Long Run It Is Better For Your Health And Happiness To Be With Him Or To Be Without Him?: This is the million-dollar question, of course. People will often make all sort of lists and arguments that they come up with from their heads. But, at the end of the day, it’s usually the heart that wins out. Sometimes, you really have to ask yourself what you really want without worrying about what you “should” do or worrying about what other people think.

And, you have to ask yourself if you are willing to push very hard for the remorse and rehabilitation that is necessary. Ultimately, you have to come to believe that you are worth this and that you deserve it. (Sometimes, you will have to work on your self-esteem in order to get to this place.) I’ve seen many couples who ultimately decide to call it quits in part because the faithful spouse stood silent instead of asking for what they really wanted or needed.

Unfortunately, your husband can’t read your mind and often doesn’t intuitively know what is going to make this better for you. There are times when you might have to spell this out for him and make it a condition of your staying. Sometimes, this really is all it takes to get what you want. If not, then at least you know that you did everything that you could before deciding to leave because of his cheating.