How Does The Other Woman Feel To Know That The Husband Regrets The Affair And Even Knowing Her
I sometimes hear from faithful wives who want to know how the other woman in the affair is feeling after different scenarios have played out – usually some sort of rejection by the husband. A common scenario is when the husband is very clear that the affair was a mistake, which he now regrets. This leaves the wife wondering if the other woman is hurt by this revelation or if she just shrugs her shoulders and moves on.
The wife might ask: “I wonder how the other woman feels when she realizes that the husband regrets every single encounter with her. My husband broke off the affair pretty quickly, but she did not want to accept it. He gave me access to his phone and she kept trying to contact him. In one text, she wrote something like, ‘I don’t have any regrets at all. Do you?’ My husband responded that he regretted everything and that he wished he had never met her because the affair caused so much destruction that could have been avoided. She did not respond back to that text, which was yesterday. I am wondering what she is thinking about all of this. I know that it sounds mean, but I hope that she is crushed. I hope that she realizes that she potentially ruined a family over a man who now regrets her very existence. How do you think that she is feeling?”
That’s very hard to answer. There is no “typical” other woman, so there is no “typical” response. Some of the women aren’t all that invested in the relationship and can take it or leave it. Many make a habit out of dating married men because they don’t want to be tied down. Others are VERY invested in the relationship and were hoping that the husband would leave his wife and make the affair a lasting relationship. Women in this category are more likely to be hurt by the realization that a husband regrets the affair.
Understanding How People Sometimes Frame An Affair: The truth is, everyone wants to feel special. That is often one of the things that drives the affair. The people in it feel like the relationship is special or necessary enough in order to justify the risk. So they built the relationship up in their own minds. And when they figure out that it’s not so special after all, it can be disappointing to say the least. Most people in the middle of an affair ignore the statistics that indicate that so few affairs ever become lasting relationships. Some hope that their relationship will be the exception, but so few are. Because of this, most people DO eventually regret their affair, simply because it almost never works out.
When you risk a substantial thing like your family for a relationship that is destined to fail, how can you not regret it at some point? Common sense would tell you that, and most people in an affair do come to realize this once they are able to get some distance when things aren’t so fresh. In fact, many times the “other woman” also comes to regret the affair. After all, the chances are good that in the end, she will have nothing to show for it and many people will be hurt, maybe even herself.
I guess the potential for hurt feelings really does depend upon how invested she was in the relationship. Since she doesn’t want to accept it coming to an end, it appears that she was invested, which means she may well be feeling disappointment right now.
Placing Your Focus On What Is Truly Important: While the possibility that she’s disappointed may make you feel a little better, I’d suggest that this might not be where you want to place your focus. If you’re still invested in your marriage, it’s always best to focus on yourself, your husband, your kids (if you have any,) and your marriage. The sooner you can chase away thoughts of the other woman, the better off you will be. It’s normal to wonder about her, of course. But since the affair is over, she really should not have any place in your life. Let her go. Move on. And know that, like you, she will have to pick up the pieces and carry on. Perhaps this will teach her an important lesson. Perhaps not. But your concern should be your own family.
I suspect that most of us would be hurt to know that anyone who we once cared about regretted knowing us, but like many things in life, in order to carry on, you can’t continuously dwell on things that make no difference now. Once she realizes that the affair is truly over and that your husband is moving on, hopefully she will want to do the same and will be more than willing to exit your life – regardless of how she feels about it.
I know that it can be hard to move on. I know that it’s natural to wonder about her. But I promise that you will feel so much better when you start to heal, so that is where you may want to turn your attention. If it helps, you can read more about how I finally accomplished this on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com
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