Infidelity Articles By Katie Lersch

By: Katie Lersch: I sometimes hear from wives all the time who admit that one of their biggest fears after their husband has cheated is this: “What if he just doesn’t find me attractive anymore? What if he doesn’t see me as sexy or desirable, especially after being with someone else?”

This is such a painful thought, and it can do real damage to your self-esteem. In fact, I’d argue that confidence issues are one of the hardest parts of recovering after infidelity. Because when you don’t feel desirable, it colors every part of your healing. You start second-guessing yourself, your marriage, and your ability to ever feel close to your husband again.

Why You Feel This Way (And Why It’s Not Your Fault): It’s very common to assume that your husband’s affair must have meant you weren’t “enough”—not pretty enough, not sexy enough, not exciting enough. But here’s the truth: his decision to cheat was his, not yours. It doesn’t mean you weren’t desirable. It means he made a selfish and damaging choice.

Still, I know those doubts creep in even when you logically know better. And that’s why it’s so important to address them—because if you don’t, they’ll sabotage your ability to move forward with confidence.

Don’t Rush Into Sex Just To Prove Something: A lot of wives tell me they think the fastest way to “fix” this problem is to jump right back into the bedroom—almost as if reigniting the sexual connection will erase the affair. And while this sometimes helps, it often backfires if the emotional wounds haven’t even begun to heal.

If you try to force intimacy too soon, it can feel awkward, disconnected, or even painful. And unfortunately, that just reinforces your fear that he doesn’t find you attractive anymore. That’s why I usually suggest waiting until you’ve had at least some honest conversations and started rebuilding emotional trust.

When you don’t feel raw and doubtful, you’re much more likely to feel confident and willing in the bedroom. And let me tell you, confidence and enthusiasm matter a whole lot more to most men than looking like a supermodel.

Building Back Your Own Sexual Confidence: One thing I say often is this: what you find sexy is just as important—if not more important—than what you think he finds sexy. Why? Because if you don’t believe you’re desirable, you won’t be able to project it.

Men are surprisingly perceptive about this. They can tell when you’re going through the motions or putting on an act. And that’s not fun for anyone. On the other hand, when you feel good in your own skin – even if you’re wearing simple clothes and minimal makeup – it shows. Enthusiasm and genuine confidence are huge turn-ons.

That means it’s okay (and even necessary) to do things that make you feel good. Maybe that’s experimenting with new clothes, trying a different hairstyle, or just taking better care of yourself in ways that boost your self-esteem. The point isn’t to become someone you’re not. It’s to reconnect with the version of you who feels comfortable, adventurous, and fully present.

You Deserve A Sexual Relationship That Feels Good To You: Sometimes, after an affair, wives feel pressured into sex just to keep their husband interested. But intimacy should be something you look forward to—not something that makes you anxious or insecure. When you move at your own pace and focus on what makes you feel desirable, your enthusiasm will naturally come through. And trust me, your husband will notice.

For me personally, regaining my confidence was the turning point after my husband’s affair. At first, I truly believed my marriage was over. I felt unattractive, undesirable, and like nothing I did would ever measure up. But as I worked on myself, my confidence grew – and so did my marriage. Today, I’m at a place I never thought I’d reach: my self-esteem is higher than ever, and I don’t live in fear that my husband will cheat again. (You can read that story in its entirety at https://surviving-the-affair.com

If you take anything away from this, let it be this: your desirability doesn’t vanish because of his mistake. You can get your confidence back, and when you do, you’ll not only feel sexier to him – you’ll feel stronger for yourself.

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