Infidelity Articles By Katie Lersch

By: Katie Lersch: Over the years, I’ve had a lot of heartbreaking messages from wives who are struggling to wrap their minds around how a husband who had an affair can still claim to love them. One woman recently said it like this:

“I keep asking him if he loves the other woman. Because to me, sex and love go hand in hand. He says he doesn’t love her and that he loves me. But how is that even possible? He can’t possibly love me if he cheated. Betrayal doesn’t come from love. That’s not how this works.”

And I get it. That confusion, the sense of betrayal, the feeling that love and cheating can’t possibly exist in the same sentence—it all hits deep. And when you hear your husband say through tears that he does still love you, it’s hard to make sense of any of it.

So let’s talk about what to consider.

Can a Man Who Cheated Still Love His Wife?

Short answer? It’s possible. Complicated, yes, but possible. I know that sounds strange and even a little offensive when you’re sitting with a shattered heart and asking, “How could he love me and still do this?”

But here’s what I’ve come to understand, both from my own experience and from the many conversations I’ve had with other women going through this:

Sometimes, when a man says he still loves you—even after an affair—he really does mean it. He may not know how to explain it, and it certainly doesn’t excuse what he did. But in his mind, love and infidelity didn’t cancel each other out.

Often, affairs have a lot more to do with how he feels about himself than how he feels about you.

Many men who cheat are acting out of personal insecurity, stress, a sense of failure, or a need for validation. And instead of facing those things head-on, they numb it, avoid it, or look for a temporary escape.

None of this makes cheating OK. Not even a little. But it does help explain why some men who’ve had affairs will still look at their wives with real, raw emotion and say, “I never stopped loving you.”

Watch What He Does After You Find Out

If you’re wondering whether your husband still loves you, one of the clearest places to look is at how he acts after the affair is exposed.

Because let’s be real—this is when the truth tends to rise to the surface.

Does he step up? Does he stick around, even when you’re angry, even when he’s under fire, even when it would be easier to bolt? Does he answer your questions—even the uncomfortable ones—and take responsibility without constantly turning things back on you?

Or does he shut down, shift blame, or start acting like you’re the problem because you’re not “moving on fast enough”?

Wives often tell me they see two sides of their husband: the one who’s crying and begging for forgiveness… and the one who eventually gets defensive and frustrated by the constant need for reassurance.

Honestly? That’s pretty common. It doesn’t automatically mean he’s faking his love or playing a part. It just means this is hard—really hard—for both of you. It’s uncomfortable. It’s emotional. And it drags up some pretty messy stuff.

But if his love is real, he’ll stay in it. He’ll keep showing up. And he’ll work, even when it’s slow and painful and neither of you feels like you’re making much progress.

But Can You Love Him Again?

That’s a different question. And it’s the one that matters most right now.

It’s not just about whether he loves you. It’s about whether you can see yourself moving forward and letting love grow again—real love, not just the “get through the day” kind.

Some women can. Others can’t. And either path is valid. There’s no right or wrong answer here. Only your truth.

What I can say is that healing is possible. I’ve lived it. And while it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, I eventually got to a place where the fear, the self-doubt, and the pain weren’t running the show anymore.

My marriage is stronger now, not because we pretended the affair didn’t happen, but because we faced it. Together.

So if you’re stuck in the middle, wondering whether his love is real and whether yours can be again… just know that you’re not alone. You get to take your time. You get to protect your heart. And you get to decide how this next chapter goes.

If you’d like to read more about my story—and what helped me get through the darkest days—you can visit my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com.

You’re stronger than you feel right now. And no matter what you decide, you deserve peace, clarity, and love—whether that’s with your husband or not.