Infidelity Articles By Katie Lersch

By: Katie Lersch: When your husband cheats, it feels like your world implodes in a matter of seconds. One moment, you think you understand your marriage, your life, and your future. The next, everything feels like a lie. What makes it worse is that most people don’t always recognize the pain after infidelity as grief, but that’s exactly what it is.

It’s the loss of trust. The loss of innocence. The loss of the relationship as you once knew it. And sometimes—even if you stay—it’s the loss of the version of your marriage you believed in.

I know this pain all too well—not just from people who dialogue with me, but from personal experience. And if you’re in the middle of it, let me say this: you are not crazy, overreacting, or weak. You’re grieving. And grief, especially the kind caused by betrayal, is complicated. But it is normal, too. And it’s certainly understandable.

Below, I’ll share what I’ve learned about this specific kind of grief and offer some tips that can help you navigate through it.

Acknowledge That You Are Grieving

Many women tell me, “I feel like someone died.” And in a way, something did. The version of your marriage that existed before the affair has changed. Whether it can be rebuilt or not, you still need to allow yourself to mourn what you’ve lost.

You might feel sad one minute and angry the next, numb, detached, or disoriented, and obsessed with details you never wanted to know. You may even wonder who you are anymore.

All of that is normal. You’re not broken. Grief doesn’t follow a neat, linear path. Some days will feel like progress, and others like you’re back at square one. That’s okay.

Don’t Rush the Process

One thing I often hear is:
“It’s been three weeks (or months or even years)—why am I not over this yet?”

Because grief after infidelity isn’t something you can schedule or suppress. Healing takes time—and sometimes even more time than you think it should.

This isn’t about how fast you “get over it.” It’s about slowly moving through each emotion without bypassing them. If you skip the hard parts (anger, confusion, sorrow), they’ll often come back later, stronger.

So give yourself grace. And understand that your healing may look very different from someone else’s.

Get It Out. Release It. 

Grief loves silence. It loves to grow in the quiet corners of your mind when you try to keep everything bottled up.

Journaling can be incredibly helpful, even if you only write a few lines a day. You don’t need to be a great writer—just brutally honest. Let your rage, sorrow, hope, confusion, and exhaustion spill out.

If journaling doesn’t work for you, consider talking to a counselor, support group, or a trusted friend who will just listen without judgment. You need somewhere safe to be messy and real.

Don’t Feel Pressured to Make Big Decisions Right Away

After your husband cheats, you may feel like you have to make a fast decision:
Do I stay or go? Can I ever trust him again? What does this mean for our future?

Here’s the truth: you don’t have to figure it all out today.
Sometimes, just focusing on surviving the next hour or day is enough.

Give yourself permission to pause. To say, “I’m not ready to decide yet.” That’s not weakness—it’s wisdom.

Take Care of Your Yourself (Even When You Don’t Want To)

Grief hits the body hard. Many women lose sleep, stop eating, or feel sick with anxiety. You may wake up with a racing heart, or find it hard to concentrate.

Try—gently—to do small things that nourish you. Eat something comforting. Get outside for a short walk. Stretch. Take deep breaths. Sleep when you can. Drink water.

These little steps won’t make the pain vanish, but they will keep you grounded. You deserve care—even now, especially now.

Beware of Emotional Landmines

Certain things may set you off: a song, a place, a comment, a memory. And when they do, you may feel blindsided.

This is part of grief. These emotional landmines can’t always be avoided—but you can prepare for them. And when one explodes, remind yourself: This doesn’t mean I’m back at square one. This is part of the healing. Recognize it for what it is and do something kind for yourself.

Try to recognize what your triggers are, and plan ahead. If you know a date or location will be difficult, decide what support or strategy you might need. You are not powerless here.

You Can Love Someone and Still Grieve What They Did

One of the hardest parts is the emotional contradiction. You may still love your husband—or at least remember the version of him you thought you had. And yet, you’re furious or devastated by his betrayal.

That duality is confusing, but incredibly common.

You don’t have to pick a side today. You can miss him and be angry. You can want to save your marriage and still feel deeply hurt.

Start Rebuilding Yourself—Piece by Piece

Eventually, the grief will begin to shift. Maybe not all at once. Maybe not in any way that feels dramatic or obvious. But one day, you’ll wake up, and the pain won’t take your breath away.

Use that space to reconnect with yourself.
What do you want? What makes you feel strong? Who are you outside of the betrayal?

Whether you rebuild your marriage or not, you deserve to feel whole again. You deserve joy, trust, and peace. Start with tiny steps. One small act of self-respect, self-care, or self-connection at a time.

Grieving after infidelity is a personal, painful, and non-linear process. But please know you are not destined to feel like this forever.

You may never forget what happened, but you can heal. You can find clarity. And yes, you can feel joy again—on your own terms, in your own time.

And if you’re not sure what comes next yet? That’s okay. Just focus on getting through today. You’re already stronger than you know. And things have a way of getting better if you just keep churning forward. Give yourself exactly what you need – time, space, and support. It took me a while to accept that I was going to have to go at a slower pace than I had assumed. But in the end, it worked out for me. I feel pretty whole today and I am still married today. You can read about my healing at https://surviving-the-affair.com

Filed under: Uncategorized by admin