Infidelity Articles By Katie Lersch

By: Katie Lersch: I often hear from wives or girlfriends who are struggling to process the cheating of the man that they loved. Many have no idea where they want to go from here. Believe it or not, most will freely admit that they still love him and wish that they could save the relationship, but they aren’t sure if they can overcome the anger, pain, and doubt.

It can be frustrating to not be sure how you feel when the man you love cheats on you, but it’s even more frustrating when you don’t have a firm handle on how he feels about you. Usually, his words are telling you one thing, but his actions are telling you something else. I often hear comments like: “He swears he still loves me and will never cheat on me again. He says this was the biggest mistake of his life and that he’ll make it up to me. But, I don’t know if I believe him or what to do. I don’t understand how you can love someone and cheat on them at the same time. I know that I don’t want to walk away from the relationship, but I don’t know how to save it either.”

I understand the intensity of these feelings. I’ve experienced them. And, these questions and doubts can destroy your relationship if you let them or aren’t able to work through them. In the following article, I’ll go over some things that you may want to consider when he’s swearing that he loves you even though he cheated on you.

Is This The First Time?: This is a large consideration and not just because of moral reasons. Statistics show that with each infidelity, the chances of saving the relationship lessen. Simply put, it’s easier to save a relationship after only one infidelity instead of three. Each time a person cheats on you, your faith in them takes another hit. Your trust is chipped away yet again.

If this is the first time he’s cheated, rehabilitation and restoring the trust is much easier. That’s not to say that relationships affected by repeated cheating can’t be saved. They can and they are. But in order for the relationship to be a healthy and faithful one, you’ll need to figure out why the cheating partner keeps repeating the same patterns. Clearly, rehabilitation has not yet happened and until it does, you’ll likely remain on shaky ground. If you’re dealing with repeated cheating, your job is harder, but it’s not hopeless or impossible if you’re determined enough and get the right kind of help.

Love Is Not Always Enough. Does He Have A Plan To Help You Rebuild After His Cheating?: I actually do believe that it’s possible to cheat on someone you love. There are many reasons that I believe this. Not only does my research indicate it’s possible, but I’ve heard from too many unfaithful people who are desperately sorry on my blog to doubt this. The thing is, the fact the love is still there is wonderful and is half the battle. But it alone is often not enough.

You can love your spouse endlessly, but if you don’t take any concrete action to rebuild, then you’re allowing yourself to remain vulnerable and you’ll likely see that these loose ends will leave your relationship in a place where it’s less than it could be. It’s often love combined with repeated loving action that makes the true difference between the relationship that survives cheating and the one that doesn’t.

Ultimately, It Usually Comes Down To The Cheating Person’s Actions Rather Than Their Words: Probably the biggest issue that you have to overcome right now is the issue of trust. The person who was cheated on is very likely in so much pain that their inclination is to become quite defensive since they don’t want to be hurt again. So, they are likely watching the cheating spouse very closely to see if it’s safe to trust and to become invested again.

And, you can’t blame them for not blindly believing that everything is going to be OK just because of claims of love. They’ve already been deceived once. Why should they place their belief in the person who has failed them? That’s why it’s the actions that are going to determine the outcome. Talking can be composed of just empty words. If the cheating person truly wants to save this relationship, they will often have much better results if they show (rather than tell) their partner that they’re trustworthy, rehabilitated, and accountable.

As someone who has been cheated on in the past, I can tell you what the faithful person is looking for. They are likely looking for the cheater to take responsibility for their actions and to be accountable. They want to know that not only do you still love them, but you’re going to use that love as the catalyst to do whatever is needed to make this right again. And, they want the reassurance that they are still attractive and desirable, even though you took this deplorable action. Finally, they want for you to show them that it’s safe to trust you again and they want for you to have patience as they attempt to navigate this.

There’s no shame in getting help with this if you need it. Seeking help is just one more way to show (rather than tell) your partner that you’re sincere about saving the relationship and are willing to do whatever it takes.