Infidelity Articles By Katie Lersch

I sometimes hear from wives who ask for advice on how to get their husband to see how stupid he is acting when he’s cheating or having an affair. They want him to wake up and see how silly and how embarrassing his actions truly are.

I recently heard from a wife who felt this way, but her main concern was making the husband see that the woman he was cheating with was only interested in him for financial or material reasons. She said in part: “my husband is cheating on me with some young girl who works in his office. He’s running around trying to act young and thinking he’s on top of the world. What he doesn’t see is that she’s only interested in him because he has money, because he’s successful, and because he can help her career. What else would a pretty, twenty something year old girl want with a 50 something year old man who is over weight and balding? How can he not see that she’s a gold digger? He just looks like an old fool who is being taken advantage of, but he doesn’t see it that way. How can I make him realize that she’s only out for his money?”

I will try to address these concerns and offer some suggestions on how to handle this situation in the following article.

Although The Other Woman May Well Be Only Interested In Your Husband’s Money, He Probably Isn’t Going To Immediately Change His Stance Because Of Your Drawing His Attention To This:

I understand wanting to tell your husband that he looks silly and is being taken advantage of by a young woman who is only interested in his money, but doing so often won’t change his actions or change his mind.

The thing is, these same thoughts have probably occurred to him although it’s likely that he’s tried to diminish them or push them away. No one wants to confront the thought that they are being taken advantage or that they are not special enough, attractive enough, or vital enough to attract someone else because of their personal attributes rather than their material ones. People WANT to believe the best about themselves, even if they doubt themselves deep down.

Your husband is not the first man who has cheated with someone much younger who was interested in what he could do for or provide for her and he will probably not be the last. He’s also probably well aware of this societal norm but he doesn’t want to apply it to himself.

It’s important to understand that men often cheat as way to feel more powerful, more successful, more important and more attractive than they truly feel deep down. So, your drawing their attention to why someone who was is young and pretty couldn’t possibly really want him or find him attractive is probably not something he is going to embrace. He’s trying to get around these type of personal self doubts to avoid pain, which makes it more likely that he’s going to tune you out.

Think about this. It’s very unlikely that he’s going to respond to your observations with something like “you’re right. What an old food I’ve been. I know that the only thing attractive about me is my money and my influence. Thank you for drawing this to my attention. I’m going to end the affair right away.”

So, since you are not likely to get this result, then let’s explore what you really want and go from there.

Determining What You Really Want. What Is Your Purpose In Trying To Get Him To See This Painful Truth?

As a wife who has been in a similar situation, I suspected what this wife truly wanted. After we exchanged communications for a while, I knew I was right. Her hope was to talk some sense into her husband, make him see how mistaken he really was, and hope that he was embarrassed or ashamed enough to stop the cheating.

At the end of the day, she wanted for him to stop being unfaithful, focus on becoming the man she had always knew, and return to her and the marriage. She had a hard time admitting this even to herself. But, I had to ask if telling her husband he was too old to attract a young woman was really going to achieve this goal.

It wasn’t at all likely, so my suggestion was to act on what she truly wanted. By saying these mean and hurtful things (even if they were true) she was only pushing her husband further away and making both of them feel worse. I felt that there was a better alternative.

Your Husband Will Likely Learn The Truth About The Other Woman In Time Without Your Needing To Do (Or Say) A Thing:

I have people from both sides of the affair and cheating visit my site. I’ve seen this scenario play out in a number of ways. And I can say with a large degree of confidence that eventually, the man in this situation will usually figure out the truth about the other woman for himself.

Eventually, the young women usually show their true colors. It becomes apparent that they are more invested in the money and the influence than in him. They will start to make larger and larger demands and be willing to give less in return and eventually many men will come to realize what is happening and will realize that it just isn’t worth it.

At that point, many will painfully realize that they were being taken advantage of and were foolish without your needing to say a word. This is truly the best case scenario for you because you haven’t said anything to damage the relationship. When I explain this to many wives, they understand it in theory but have a hard time with it in reality. They’ll say things like “so I’m just supposed to sit back and watch him carry on with a gold digger half his age and not comment on it or draw his attention to it?”

That’s not what I’m saying. You don’t have to pretend that you aren’t completely disappointed in him and his behavior, and you can certainly tell him the same. But when doing so, you don’t have to harp on the fact that he’s an old fool who is being taken in by a gold digger. In truth, he likely already suspects this deep down.

A suggested alternative would to say something like: “I’m very disappointed that your actions have betrayed our family and make us look like a common cliché. Hopefully some time in the future, you will see this the way that I do and you’ll understand why I’m so hurt and frustrated by this. For now, I can’t control your actions but I certainly can and will control my own.”

While you are waiting for him to come to this conclusion, you can work on your own healing and recovery. That way, when he does realize that he’s being taken for a ride, you will look very attractive by comparison.