Infidelity Articles By Katie Lersch

by: Katie Lersch: I sometimes hear from wives who are so very tired of feeling stuck and lost after their husband’s affair. They’ll say things like:

“I just want to move on with my life, but I can’t seem to do it. Something always drags me back. I’ll take four steps forward, and then three steps back. I’m exhausted from living like this. What can I do to finally leave it behind me?”

I understand these concerns all too well because I lived them myself. Most wives desperately want to move on (even if their husbands doubt this). But for many reasons—emotional, mental, and sometimes practical—they just can’t seem to make it happen.

And when that happens, it’s easy to feel like you’re broken or failing in some way. But I want you to know: that’s not true. Not at all.

Moving On Usually Requires Closure On Multiple Levels: When wives tell me they can’t move forward after the betrayal, they’ll often confess it as if it’s a flaw. As though they just don’t want it badly enough or they aren’t strong enough to let go.

This breaks my heart, because usually it isn’t about willpower. It’s about closure. When some part of the affair hasn’t been resolved, those doubts and fears resurface over and over, keeping you tied to the pain.

To move on, you often need to do a few things:

• Understand why the affair happened—not to excuse it, but to know it wasn’t your fault. This is easier said than done. Sometimes you’ll never fully understand every detail of his thought process (especially because it often doesn’t make logical sense). But you can come to see that it was much more about his flaws, insecurities, or poor choices than about anything you did or didn’t do. That clarity helps you separate yourself from the blame.

• Define what resolution looks like for you. For some women, moving on means staying in the marriage. For others, it means stepping away. What keeps you stuck is often the belief that you don’t have control—that you didn’t choose the affair and now you’re just reacting to it. But you can choose what happens next. You can take back control by deciding what you truly want and making sure your needs are acknowledged.

When you stop “settling” for scraps of peace and start asking for what you really need, the resentment starts to loosen its grip. You begin to move forward, even if only in small steps.

Believing You Deserve to Move On: There’s no question that being cheated on damages your self-esteem. Many women internalize the anger and start blaming themselves. You may feel as though everyone can see your wounds and that somehow you’re marked by them.

But here’s the truth: you did not cause his affair, and you are not damaged goods.

I know it can feel impossible to believe this in the beginning, but moving on really does require you to see that you deserve to move forward. Not only are you capable, but you owe it to yourself.

Think of how you’d talk to your daughter or your best friend if this happened to her. You’d tell her she’s strong, that she will get through this, and that she deserves happiness. Why not speak those same words to yourself?

If your self-esteem has taken a hit (and almost everyone’s does), it’s okay to seek help in rebuilding it. Therapy, support groups, journaling, exercise, faith – whatever tools help you reclaim your strength, use them unapologetically. Because this is about you becoming whole again.

Moving On Doesn’t Always Mean Letting Go of the Marriage: Some women believe that moving on has to mean leaving their husbands. And while sometimes that’s true, it doesn’t have to be. Moving on is about reclaiming yourself – your life, your joy, your peace of mind. Whether you stay married or not, the process is the same.

It’s about no longer treading water in exhaustion, but building a life raft that will actually carry you forward.

Perspective: There was a time when I believed I’d never move on from my husband’s affair. I felt broken, bitter, and hopeless. But I can tell you today that those feelings don’t last forever.

My life is actually fuller and more meaningful than I ever would have imagined during those dark days. It took work. It took a lot of trial and error. But eventually, I learned how to reclaim my sense of self, rebuild my esteem, and decide what I wanted my life to look like.

If I can do it, so can you.

You deserve happiness, peace, and the freedom to move forward into the life you were meant to have. Don’t let anyone—including yourself—convince you otherwise. If you’d like to read more about my very personal story and how I made progress after my husband’s affair, you can find it here: http://surviving-the-affair.com/.