How Long Does Sadness Last After Infidelity?
A person can take numerous hits when their spouse has an affair. They can take a hit to their self-esteem. They can take a hit to their sense of trust. And they can most certainly take a hit to their happiness level. Most people who struggle with infidelity feel a great deal of sadness as a result of it. Since no one wants to walk around constantly feeling deep despair, people often ask how long these feelings of gloom will last.
Someone might say, “I found out six weeks ago that my husband was cheating on me. Since that time, I have struggled with my day to day activities. It is difficult for me to get out of bed. I feel like I am pulling a huge weight behind me all of the time. I am normally a happy, upbeat person, but this has completely changed me. It is miserable to feel this way all of the time. Is this ever going to change? For how long do wives typically feel sadness after their husband has an affair?”
It depends very much on the circumstances and on the healing actions that are taken. While it’s extremely normal to feel initial sadness, these feelings don’t always linger for a troublesome amount of time if you are very proactive. Below, I will list a few tips that helped me to overcome the very deep sadness that I felt.
Focus On Positive Things Outside of The Affair And Home Life: I know that this suggestion may seem far-fetched. How can you focus on something else when the life that you knew is in jeopardy? This was an initial concern of mine also, but I learned something important when I looked outside of my own home for uplifting activities: whatever is going on at home will still be there when you get back. And if you are participating in uplifting activities away from home, you will often return with an improved outlook.
In my case, I began volunteering and I joined a women’s book club. This allowed me to have exposure to issues beyond my problems. I felt very useful and seeing my efforts make things better for someone else gave me an immediate boost.
Of course, there are many alternatives. Get out in nature. Exercise. Find a long, uplifting project that requires a good deal of energy. Anything that you can do to direct your efforts toward self-improvement or the greater good will boost your spirits and distract you from what is causing your unhappiness.
Direct Your Love Somewhere Else Momentarily (with Conditions:) Please don’t take this the wrong way. I would NEVER suggest that you direct your affections to another person in a romantic way. That would only create more drama and unhappiness. I am talking about an animal, a child, a friend, etc. Honestly, I ended up fostering an animal after my husband’s affair because I am a nurturer but I did not feel like offering anything to my husband at that time. This allowed me to heap loads of love on a scared animal that needed it. Eventually, I adopted the animal and she is one of the great loves of my life. She gave me unconditional love at a time when I was desperate for it and vice verse. You may not have the ability to take on the responsibility for an animal indefinitely, but fostering is a great way to help out without a long term commitment.
Alternatively, you can mentor or care for a child. You can invest in deep friendships. You can connect with others in online support groups if you are unable to get out. There is always a way to reach out beyond your own world. And this act can be very uplifting and can cut through your isolation.
Work On Gradually Healing: After an affair, one of the main reasons that we are sad is that our life has been shaken to its core. The stability that we thought we had has been challenged. So one way to ease the sadness is to try to get that stability back. This will look different for everyone. For some, that will mean healing your marriage, restoring the trust, and moving on. Others will eventually end their marriage and then will move on to a healthy and happy life without the marriage. Either approach is healing and valid.
Thankfully, once you get the stability and sense of well-being back in your life, the sadness should fade. Having said that, I have to be honest. I can’t claim that I don’t ever feel any sadness. Every once in a great while, my mind will flashback to my husband’s affair and I will feel a momentary bit of sadness. Mostly I feel sad at the waste of it all and am just upset that we had to go through it. However, when this happens, I look at how far we have come and I am grateful for the state of my marriage now. It is actually better than it ever was. During our lives together, there have been many sad occurrences – family illness, loss, accidents, and other hardships. When I think back to any of these incidents, I feel a tinge of sadness, but I am also proud that we overcame them all. Unfortunate events are part of every marriage. No one gets to go through life without adversity. But most of us recover eventually and move on. An affair is no different. I definitely felt my share of sadness for quite a while, but today my focus is on other, much more uplifting things. You can read more at http://surviving-the-affair.com
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