Infidelity Articles By Katie Lersch

By Katie Lersch: I’ll be honest. I don’t think anything quite prepares you for the moment you find out your husband has had an affair. It’s not just a breach of trust — it’s a total unraveling of the life you thought you knew. One minute, you think you’re in a familiar place with a person you understand, and the next, you’re doubting every memory, every word, every sign you missed.

It’s absolutely disorienting. And if you’re anything like I was, you probably went from numb to enraged, from devastated to determined, all within a matter of hours. You might ask yourself, “How do you come back from this? How do you ever trust again, whether it’s him or anyone else?”

I can tell you with complete sincerity that it is possible to overcome your husband’s affair. I’ve seen it. I’ve lived it. I’ve also seen women recover on their own — stronger, more grounded, and more self-assured than ever. But no matter which direction your path takes, the healing almost always starts the same way.

The Affair Was Not Your Fault — And You Don’t Have To Carry That Weight

It’s almost automatic: blaming yourself. I did it too. I looked in the mirror and wondered if I had let myself go. I replayed old arguments in my head, asking if I’d been too cold, too distracted, too busy, too anything.

But here’s the truth I had to learn the hard way — the affair wasn’t about me. It was about my husband’s choices. Could our marriage have been stronger? Sure. Most marriages could. But plenty of women in struggling marriages never cheat. And plenty of husbands cheat even when things appear fine.

This was his decision. And while it affected me deeply, I didn’t cause it. Neither did you. So please don’t make this your burden to carry.

Don’t Gloss Over The Damage. Your Pain Deserves Attention

Some people — and sometimes even your husband — will want to “move past it” as quickly as possible. And honestly, you might be tempted to do the same. I get it. It hurts to dwell on it. It’s exhausting. You want to wake up and not think about the affair.

But healing doesn’t happen by skipping steps. If you don’t deal with the wreckage, it finds sneaky ways to show up again — in your confidence, in your relationships, in your sense of safety.

Even if your husband does everything right from here on out, you still need to grieve. You still need to rebuild trust — not just in him, but in yourself and your ability to read situations. Healing isn’t passive. It’s active. You deserve to tend to the places that still ache.

Get Honest About What You Need — And Don’t Apologize For It

One of the biggest shifts I made after the affair was this: I stopped minimizing my needs. I stopped pretending I was fine when I wasn’t. I stopped feeling selfish for asking for reassurance, for needing space, or for setting boundaries.

No one is going to heal you for you. I know that sounds harsh, but it’s also empowering. Because once I realized that, I got to work. I asked myself hard questions. I journaled. I went to therapy. I cried. A lot. And I gave myself permission to be a work in progress.

If you need answers, ask for them. If you need transparency, insist on it. If you need time, take it. This isn’t about being dramatic. It’s about being whole.

Healing Is Possible — And So Is A Stronger Marriage (If You Both Want That)

Two years ago, I never would’ve imagined that my husband and I would be in a good place again. I barely believed we’d still be living in the same house, much less sharing a connection that’s deeper and more honest than it was before the affair.

It wasn’t easy. I had to dig deep. He had to show up consistently. We had to rebuild from the ground up — no shortcuts, no pretending. But it happened – and you can read about how by clicking here. And it started with me choosing myself and committing to my own healing, no matter what happened with him.

You can come out the other side of this — with or without your marriage. You can feel steady again. You can find joy again. And no matter how shattered things feel right now, this is not the end of your story.

You can read more about my journey at http://surviving-the-affair.com.