I Find My Husband Disgusting After His Affair.
By: Katie Lersch: Many wives see their husband in a new and completely unflattering way after they find out that he cheated or had an affair. Some adjectives I hear wives use to describe their husbands are words like creepy, disgusting, repulsive, perverted, or deviant. One might say said: “I have found out that my husband had an affair with a low life he met at a bar. I am just repulsed by his behavior. My husband is well thought of in our community and now I found out that he was cruising bars and that he met this woman at a disgusting hotel for sex. That mental picture is one that I will never get out of my head. To be quite honest, I find my husband completely disgusting right now. The idea of sleeping with him turns my stomach. I see him as a perverted loser. Will my feelings ever change? Because I have two kids to consider. I will try to address these questions in the following article.
It’s Normal To Be Disgusted By Your Husbands Behavior: Some wives who say that they find their husbands disgusting or creepy after his affair are really disgusted by the behavior rather than the person. It’s very understandable to project that disgust for the actions onto the person. But sometimes, this passes and the wives are eventually able to see the difference between the two. With that said, some wives just aren’t able to reconcile this conflict. And frankly, sometimes the only way to see which category you are going to fall into is to just give it a little time.
What Can You Do When You’re Repulsed By Your Husband After His Infidelity: The wife in this situation was so torn because of her children. She didn’t want to banish her children’s father from their lives. And, quite frankly, the pain was still fresh so she was right in not making any rash or quick decisions. In situations such as these, when you can’t even stand the sight of this man, it can be advisable to take a break from the situation. Sometimes, this means that one of you stays with friends and family for a while until you get a greater perspective. In this case, the wife didn’t want to disrupt her kids’ home life, so another alternative might be to sleep in separate bedrooms and to steer clear of one another for a while. The wife could make it very clear that she needed some distance and some time for herself and, if this request was not respected, she’d have no choice but to remove herself from the situation for a little while.
Sometimes the distance can help the feelings of disgust to wane and other times, they do not wane, but giving yourself this space is one way to find out if your feelings are going to change over time.
Will I Ever Look At Him The Same Way Again? Will My Disgust Go Away?: I can’t answer this question with certainty because everyone is different. Often, this depends on how heinous the husband’s actions truly were. I can tell you from experience that in my own situation, over a very gradual period of time, I was eventually able to remember the good attributes of my husband in the past and this counted for something. Over time, when I thought of my husband, I wasn’t only thinking of the recent bad experience. And I think a lot of the time, this happens once true healing has taken place. Once you begin to heal, you no longer want or need to focus solely on the negative.
Over time, I remembered how my husband supported me for many years while I raised our children. I remembered how he stayed with my sick grandfather around the clock during cancer treatment. I remembered how he worked tirelessly to make furniture for our children’s bedrooms by hand. And this does matter to me in the end and helped to balance some of the negative memories I had developed. So while I couldn’t tell this wife if her own feelings would change in the future, I would suggest that she just observe and respect her feelings, take a break if she needed it, and focus on healing. Because, no matter what ultimately happens with your husband, healing is the first step toward making positive feelings and memories possible. And whether you continue to be married or not, you deserve to maintain a positive outlook.
I can identify with this wife. I thought my husband’s actions were absolutely repulsive and disgusting after his affair. And, on the rare occasion that I think about it today, I can have negative feelings sometimes. But as I mentioned before, there was a lot of good in the past to balance the negative. And once healing began, I was able to focus more on that and less on what was holding me back. If it helps, you can read about my recovery process on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com/
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