Infidelity Articles By Katie Lersch

By: Katie Lersch:  It would be ideal if the other woman in the affair would just fade into the wood work and allow you to move on with your life.  It would be wonderful if she would be gracious enough to leave you and your husband alone so that you can try to clean up the mess that she contributed to.  However, this isn’t always what happens. Sometimes, she seems to love to rub your nose in it.  Or she can’t seem to leave your husband alone, even when he makes it very clear that this is exactly what he wants.

Understandably, this can lead to some very harsh feelings on the part of the wife.  Wives who have never hated another human being can feel very strong hatred for the other woman.  You might hear a comment like: “I am a pretty laid back person.  My job requires for me to be very diplomatic and to get along with many different types of people. In my day to day life, I roll with the punches and am very personable and accepting.  However, when it comes to the other woman, I just can’t use my regular people skills.  I feel deep-seated hatred toward her.  And it’s totally eating me alive.  Even before I found out about the affair, she was posting photos of my husband and herself on her Facebook page.  That is how I found out.   My husband asked her to take down the pictures so that our kids will not see them.  In response, she put up tons more.  She puts up new photos everyday.  In fact, this made my husband angry with her – so much so that I doubt that he will ever want to have anything to do with her again.  But despite his fury at her, she keeps right on texting and calling him.  When he doesn’t respond to her, she will text me and say that I need to tell my husband to answer his phone.  She is so unbelievably forward and aggressive.  I can’t imagine what my husband saw in her and it makes me think less of him, that he would be attracted to someone like this.  I have to deal with her on a daily basis.  She seems to refuse to go away.  I have blocked looking at her on Facebook and I have changed our numbers and contact information.  This seems to have helped.  But I am still seething.  I feel like my anger is taking over.  I have never hated anyone.  But I swear my hatred toward her is so strong.  And I don’t know how to tackle it.”

I understand what you are feeling.  I had similar feelings.  And those feelings really bothered me and were a struggle. But when someone wants to come and take something that is valuable to you and then refuses to give up, even when it’s clearly over, that is frustrating. Then when she acts in a way that can be hurtful to your children – who are truly innocent in this – well, that’s just a whole different level of mean.  I completely support you in doing whatever you need to do in order to block her access to you.  This is often the best thing that you can do because she is searching for a pay off and a reaction.  When things go silent and when she can’t get a reaction, she’s more likely to stop.

Sometimes, she stops – but then you are still churning with hatred and ruminating.  This cycle is only hurting you, the innocent party.  I know that you probably know this intellectually, but it’s hard to stop thinking about someone who has turned your world upside down.  Still, its important that you start trying.  Because every time you allow thoughts of her to bring you down or to make you angry, you allow her to injure you once again.  You don’t deserve this.

I have come to believe that the best revenge that you can get on her is to have a happy life.  When someone is this mean and spiteful, then you know that nothing would make her happier than to know that she’s gotten under your skin and made you unhappy.  So refuse to allow her to do this any longer.  You’ve already started this by blocking her access, but now you have to take it a step further and work on rebuilding your life.  It sounds as if you want to save your marriage, so know that there is likely nothing that would make her more miserable than to know that in five, ten, or twenty years down the road, your husband and you will have moved on.  She obviously doesn’t want to be forgotten or ignored, which is why that should be precisely your goal. The best revenge (and the best way to move past the hate) is to carry on with your life as though she were just a blip on the screen.  So, start to move past her.  She never belonged in your life.  Don’t allow her to take up residence there now.

I don’t think about the other woman much anymore.  But I guess that if I did, I’ve have to say that I’ve mostly gotten my revenge because for the most part, I am happy and my life is normal again.  I have my family.  My kids have their father.  And I have the life and the marriage that I want.   This feels much better than dealing with the hate. There’s more at http://surviving-the-affair.com.

 

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