Infidelity Articles By Katie Lersch

By: Katie Lersch: Not long ago, I heard from a woman who felt like she was carrying around a secret too shameful to speak out loud. Her words came out like a confession: “I love my husband… but he had an affair.”

She said it like those two things couldn’t possibly exist in the same sentence—as though loving a man who betrayed her made her weak, foolish, or naive.

But here’s the thing: it doesn’t. Not even close.

There’s this unspoken assumption that when a husband cheats, the love a wife feels for him should disappear. People seem to believe that love dies the moment trust is broken, or that infidelity means he never loved you in the first place. And maybe most painfully, there’s this idea that if he strayed, something must have been broken in the marriage.

But none of those beliefs are absolute. And they don’t speak for every woman—or every marriage.

Sometimes, love remains. And sometimes, that love is what gives you the strength to try to put the pieces back together.

You Can Still Love Him and Be Devastated

Let’s be honest—infidelity is brutal. It cuts deep. When you find out your husband has had an affair, your entire world shifts. You question everything: your worth, your marriage, your past… and your future.

But what many people don’t understand is that while trust might shatter in an instant, love doesn’t always follow the same timeline.

You can be furious. You can be heartbroken. You can feel completely betrayed. And at the same time, you can still feel love for the man who hurt you. It’s not always rational. It doesn’t always make sense. But it’s real.

Some women do reach a point where they know they no longer love their husbands, and for them, walking away is the healthiest choice. And that is absolutely valid.

But for others—maybe for you—that love doesn’t just vanish. Even when you wish it would.

And that doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human.

What Loving Him Really Means (and What It Doesn’t)

Let’s be clear: loving your husband doesn’t mean you excuse what he did. It doesn’t mean you forget it happened, or that you ignore the pain he caused. It also doesn’t mean you should settle for less than honesty, accountability, and real change.

Still loving him doesn’t take away your right to grieve or to demand better.

In fact, if anything, love can be the reason you do demand better. Because you want the relationship to be rebuilt on stronger ground. Because you want to feel safe again. Because you know you both deserve more than what happened.

But love alone isn’t enough to heal from infidelity. It’s the starting point—not the whole journey.

What Has to Happen If You Want to Rebuild

Here’s where it gets real. If you still love him—and you’re considering staying—then both of you are going to have to show up in some big, brave ways.

You’ll need honesty. That means tough, vulnerable conversations about what really happened and why. No half-truths. No sugarcoating. No sweeping things under the rug just to avoid discomfort.

You’ll need remorse. Real, gut-level remorse from him—not just regret that he got caught, but a genuine understanding of the damage done and a deep commitment to making it right.

You’ll need work—on the relationship, and on yourselves. Because healing from an affair means rebuilding trust and reconnecting emotionally. It means figuring out what wasn’t working before the affair, and deciding how things will be different moving forward.

You might need counseling. Individual or couples therapy can help you both untangle the web of pain, shame, and confusion. Sometimes, having a safe space to process is what makes recovery even possible.

And perhaps most importantly, you’ll need time. There are no shortcuts here. Rebuilding takes patience and persistence—especially when emotions are still raw.

The Role of Self-Worth in the Recovery Process

One thing I learned through my own experience is that betrayal doesn’t just shake your trust in him—it can shatter your trust in yourself. You might start wondering if you weren’t “enough,” or if you missed some big warning signs.

That’s why part of your healing has to include rebuilding your own self-esteem. Whether or not your marriage survives, you need to be whole again. You need to know you’re worthy of love, loyalty, and respect—not because of what your husband does or doesn’t do, but because of who you are.

For me, this was the turning point. Once I started focusing on my own healing, I stopped reacting from panic and started responding from strength. I stopped begging for reassurance and started creating emotional boundaries that helped both of us feel safer.

And ironically, it was in those moments of strength and self-assurance that my husband really started to show up differently, too.

What I Want You to Know

You’re not crazy for still loving your husband.

You’re not stupid. Or weak. Or naive.

You’re someone who’s in pain, who’s been deeply wounded, and who’s still trying to find clarity in the chaos. And love, when it’s genuine, doesn’t just disappear because it’s been tested.

Whether or not your marriage survives this is up to both of you. But your heart is not something to be ashamed of.

I never thought I’d say this, but I did get through it. We got through it. And we came out the other side stronger—not because we pretended nothing happened, but because we worked through everything that did. It wasn’t easy. There were moments I thought I’d break. But in the end, choosing to fight for my marriage—and for myself—was one of the most empowering things I’ve ever done.

You can read more about my journey, and find resources that may help, at http://surviving-the-affair.com.

You’re not alone. And your story doesn’t end here.