Infidelity Articles By Katie Lersch

By: Katie Lersch: Often times, wives are well aware when they are approaching the anniversary of catching their husband cheating or having an affair. Many can tell you the exact date and time of day that this occurred. And many have definite opinions on their progress between that day and the present time.

Some wives who very happy with their progress and others are disappointed and discouraged. But those who can look back with pride because their marriage has made it sometimes want to share this little tidbit of information with the other woman. Some people will call this gloating and others will call it redemption or fair play, considering the circumstances.

A wife who has saved her marriage might decide to write a letter to let the other woman know all about it. She might explain: “this Saturday is the one year anniversary that I caught my husband having an affair. I vaguely knew the other woman. And I sought her out. She was very spiteful and she told me that she was going to do whatever was necessary to take my husband away from me. She promised that in a year’s time, she would be married to my husband. This was very painful and hurtful. But I fought for my marriage. And I won. My husband and I are very happy and are getting ready to renew our vows. I want her to know this. I want to tell her that I am having a ball picking out my dress and flowers. I want her to know how special it will be for my children. But my best friend says that I am cheapening the whole event by involving the other woman in this. She says that I should just enjoy my special day and live in the moment without giving the other woman another thought. I understand her thought process, but I just can’t seem to let it go. After the nasty things she said to me, I want her to feel the pain of knowing I won. I have stopped short of wanting a face to face meeting and I will settle for a letter.”

I know that this is likely not what you were hoping that I would say, but I agree with your friend. I firmly believe that the best thing that you can do for yourself (and honestly the most hurtful thing that you can do to the other woman) is to really and truly move on. When you do things like send letters or seek her out, then she knows that you haven’t truly moved on. Because obviously, you are still thinking about her enough to want to make contact with her.

Now, I know what you may be thinking: “I want to make contact with her only because I want her to know that I have moved on wonderfully.” This may be true, but she is often smart enough to read between the lines and to know that if you had really and truly moved on, you wouldn’t need to let her know it. I am going to be honest here. Every time I see someone on Facebook or social media repeatedly driving home the point of how happy they are, my immediate reaction is to think that if they were really this blissful, they would be enjoying every moment of it rather than taking the time to announce it to someone who doesn’t effect their bottom line.

I am not insinuating that you are not truly happy. I am sure that you are. But I am just sharing with you that it’s often a perception that people who feel the need to announce their happiness often have motives other than just sharing that same happiness.

Here is an alternative which might work for you. How about putting an announcement about your vow renewal in your local newspaper?  This is common, customary, and not in bad taste.  Plus, there’s a pretty good chance that the other woman will see or hear about it and you haven’t sought her out in any way. She will be able to read between the lines and know that if you are renewing your vows and that you were obviously able to save your marriage and are happy. Frankly, this will likely impact her more than your writing a letter – where she is free to wonder about your motivations. However, if she just happens to learn about your vow renewal from a friend who saw it in the paper, it will likely be more impactful and you haven’t done anything wrong.

Putting an announcement in the paper is not out of the ordinary and is appropriate. I’d also like to stress that I really want you to enjoy your second wedding day. You deserve it. Truly take it in and don’t spend one second thinking about her. Looking back in any way just isn’t worth it. And that is exactly why it is not worth writing the letter. It allows her back into your thought process, where she should not be.

I honestly believe that the best revenge for anything is true and complete happiness and living your best life.  You can’t do that if your thoughts come back to her.   There’s more at http://surviving-the-affair.com

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