Infidelity Articles By Katie Lersch

By: Katie Lersch:  I sometimes hear from wives who are extremely frustrated that their husband is telling them that he wants to save his marriage and that he has ended the affair and yet, they are finding clear and distinct evidence that he is in phone contact with the other woman.

So, understandably, the wife will want to come up with a way to put a stop to this once and for all. Since the husband most definitely hasn’t earned the trust back, she doesn’t want to give him any leeway in which he can keep in contact with the other woman. And, she wants reassurance that he couldn’t contact her even if he wanted to. One way that she might try to attempt this is to block the other woman’s phone number.

I might hear a comment like: “my husband promised that he would end things with the other woman. I really wanted to believe that he was telling me the truth, but I had my doubts. I have read their emails and texts. And I know that he was making claims to be in love with her. I also know that a great deal of deception went into the relationship.  So frankly, I don’t much care what he claims. And that is why I went and looked at the call history on his cell phone and on our home phone. And guess what I found? Her phone number. At this point, I am thinking that I am going to contact both the home phone and the cell phone companies and block her phone number. WIll this keep him from contacting her?”

I wish that I could give you a definite yes. I wish I could tell you that if you took this simple step, then they would never be in contact again, she would stay out of your lives, and you would only have to worry about saving your marriage. I so wish I could tell you that, but I wouldn’t be being truthful to you if I did.

That’s not to say that a man who really wants to comply with his wife’s request won’t be more motivated to do so when he knows that the other woman can’t easily contact him. I’m not telling you that taking this step won’t be a deterrent because I think that it might be.

But I also have to tell that if a man wants to continue to be deceptive and he wants to communicate with the other woman, he can most definitely do that without much trouble. He could go somewhere and call her. He could call her from work. (After all, it is her number that is blocked, not his.) He could email her from work. They could contact each other through social media. They could chat on their computers. Or, he could simply go and see her if phone contact is taken away from him. Sure, he may have to work a little harder with these options. But, if he really wants to be in contact with her, you can bet that he will find away in the same way that he found a way before.

So where does that leave you? Well, as someone who has been there and someone who has seen how difficult it is to work through this without another person in the picture, I can tell you that it is in your best interest to let him legitimately choose to stay away from her. If you pressure him, threaten him, or follow him around, he is only going to try to get around you or resent you, at least much of the time.

You might be asking yourself how you get him to make this choice on his own. It isn’t always easy. Deep down, he has to want to. But, you can do a couple of things to encourage him. The next time you see the phone number, you can say something like: “I see that you have been in contact with her again. You told me that you would not. So, you are not being truthful. I thought that we had agreed to save our marriage. But in order to do that, the affair has to be over. That means that we won’t be able to work on our marriage right now. I can’t participate in this with you. So you will have to let me know when it is really and truly over because obviously you are not at that point right now. I am going to spend my time healing and working on myself. I can’t spend my time on healing this marriage until it is a legitimate marriage with only two people in it. I trust that you will let me know when the affair is really over and she is really out of our lives.”

Another thing that you can do is to let him know that you are going to be following up on every claim that he makes to you. In other words, if he isn’t where he says he is supposed to be, the question is why. It’s not in your best interest to turn a blind eye when something doesn’t make sense to you. By no means am I telling you to be combative or to pick a fight, but your husband must know that you are watching him closely and that you are going to catch it when he tries to lie to you.

But to answer the question posed, unfortunately, I don’t think that blocking her number is going to make him break off contact with her if that isn’t legitimately what he wants to do. The key then, is to encourage him to make the decision that avoiding her and cutting off contact is legitimately his intention and what he is going to do.

My husband willingly stayed away from the other woman but that was only one of many issues that we had to work through.  If it helps, you can read more on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com

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