Is A Man More Likely To Have An Affair After He Loses Weight?
It’s not uncommon for men who have an affair to undergo dramatic changes in their appearance. Suddenly, they begin to care more about their clothing, hygiene, exercise habits, and overall game. But, are these changes because of the affair, a symptom of the affair, or only contributing factors? In the case of weight loss, many experts believe that this change in appearance can come BEFORE the affair, or at least because of it.
A wife might explain, “I should have known something was up when my husband suddenly lost weight after staying the same weight for years. To be fair, his doctor gave him a firm talking to and told him that some of his health issues are weight-related. So, he may have initially lost the weight for his health. But I do feel as if him changing physically may have contributed to his cheating on me. Suddenly, he thinks that he looks irresistible. And now he is lecturing me about my own weight. I am not a couch potato. But I don’t take workouts to the extreme the way that he now does. I have some girlfriends who have gone through the same process after their own husbands lost weight. Are men more likely to cheat after losing weight? Do they suddenly become vain and think that their wife is no longer good enough?”
An Average Six Pound Weight Loss: There is definitely evidence that suggests that men are more likely to lose weight either before or after an affair. One study suggests that men lose an average of six pounds while carrying on an affair. Why? Because the dishonesty and secrecy required to carry out an affair are stressful and because they suddenly care more about their appearance.
Weight Loss May Inspire A Man To Reject His Marriage: Furthermore, according to a 2018 study by weight loss surgeons, weight loss often increases both separations and divorces as well as the beginning of new relationships. People who have lost weight may have a newfound confidence that makes them willing to pursue a new relationship or end a current relationship that they feel is stale or toxic.
(I’m not saying that your marriage actually is stale or toxic. I’m only stating that your husband may perceive it and way and his actions might them be motivated by this thinking.)
Many Factors Contribute To Infidelity: Both of the studies above offer pretty compelling evidence that weight loss can precede or follow an affair, but I’m not sure that every man who attempts to lose weight should suddenly come under suspicion. There are many “tells” when someone is cheating. And there are many reasons that people cheat. Weight loss is only one of them and not all people who cheat loose weight. Plus, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be healthy. And totally innocent men who are working out but may try to inspire their wives to get healthy. This doesn’t always mean that a man is cheating. But adding the weight loss issue onto the infidelity issue gives a wife just one more issue to deal with.
Still, I’ve had many men honestly discuss the reasons behind their cheating with me. None of them mentioned weight loss only. It is often a combination of factors.
Where To Go From Here: It would be easy to see the weight loss as something that must end in the hopes that the affair will also end. But I’m not sure you ever want to get yourself in a situation where you actively discourage a spouse’s good habit or attempt to follow doctor’s orders.
Instead, you want to see the affair and the weight loss as two separate things. One is fine in moderation. The other most definitely is not. There are plenty of health-conscious husbands who take care of their bodies, maintain a healthy weight, and work out without cheating on their wives. In fact, many therapists will tell you that two strong, healthy spouses will make the strongest marriage. So, assuming that you are still invested in your marriage, you probably do want to encourage your spouse to be his best self, as long as he doesn’t think that this makes him incompatible with your best self and with your marriage.
If you determine that you want to save your marriage, I would tackle the affair issue before I would even address the weight loss. Because they are really two separate issues and one is probably just a symptom of the other – or at the very least not the sole cause of the affair.
Working through an affair is difficult, but it is not impossible. I have done it. (You can read about that at http://surviving-the-affair.com)There were days that I would not wish on anyone, but we did get through this. Complete healing didn’t always happen as quickly as I wanted it to, but it did happen. And today, my husband and I work out and try to stay healthy together. It is a way that we spend time together, even if we maintain our weight using different methods. I am not a weight lifter and he does not enjoy pilates, but that doesn’t mean we can’t share the experience sometimes.
To answer the original question, yes, studies do indicate that cheating husbands are more likely to lose weight. But this doesn’t mean that every man wanting to be healthy will cheat. Nor does it necessarily mean that the weight loss caused the cheating. And it can give you one more issue to deal with in recovery, but this doesn’t mean that you should villainize the weight loss so that your husband feels that you don’t support his health. His cheating already gives you plenty to address and overcome.
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