Infidelity Articles By Katie Lersch

By: Katie Lersch: If you’ve just discovered that your husband has betrayed you—whether emotionally, physically, or both—let me start by saying I’m so sorry. I know from firsthand experience that the moment you find out your trust has been shattered, your entire world can feel like it’s been turned upside down. You may be walking around in a fog, replaying every conversation, every odd moment, and wondering how you didn’t see it sooner—or what it means for your future now.

I hear from wives in this exact place almost every day. They’ll say things like:
“I just found out about the affair. I’m in shock. I don’t even know what to do next.”
Or, “He says it didn’t mean anything, but I feel like I don’t mean anything.”
Or sometimes, they simply say what I’ve felt myself: “I’m crushed. And lost.”

So if that’s where you are right now, let’s walk through it. I want to offer a bit of guidance, not because I have all the answers, but because I know what it’s like to try to survive this when you can barely think straight—let alone plan your next steps.

Step One: Breathe and Stabilize

The initial wave of betrayal can knock the wind right out of you. It’s not uncommon to feel physically sick, unable to sleep, or like your emotions are swinging wildly from one extreme to the next.

Your first step isn’t to make any major decisions. It’s simply to take care of yourself. That might mean stepping away from the situation for a short time—sleeping at a friend’s house, asking your husband for space, or just carving out a quiet place to breathe.

Give yourself permission to not have all the answers right now. You don’t have to decide today if you’ll stay or go. Right now, the goal is survival—not perfection.

Step Two: Avoid Rash Decisions At All Costs

It’s very normal to want to make some kind of bold move after you’ve been hurt. Some women want to leave immediately. Others want to confront the other person involved. Some want their husbands to feel the full weight of what they’ve done. And I completely understand all of those instincts.

But the truth is, the first few days and weeks after betrayal aren’t the best time for big, life-altering decisions. Not because you aren’t justified in making them—but because your heart is still in trauma-mode. Give yourself a window of time—maybe 30 days—where you commit to observation, self-care, and clarity before you do anything permanent.

You can still have boundaries. You can still ask him to leave. But try to give your heart and your mind a little space before locking in anything long-term.

Step Three: Gather Information (Without Obsessing)

Many women want the full story after betrayal. They ask, “How many times did it happen?” “Where?” “Did you love her?” “Was it physical?” “Did you think of me at all?”

I get this. The need for answers is powerful. But in those early days, I always caution wives to be careful. Because sometimes, hearing too much too soon can create images in your mind that are hard to unsee—and that may hurt your healing later.

Instead, focus on understanding the big picture first. Was this a one-time lapse or a long-standing relationship? Was it emotional or physical? Is he taking responsibility—or shifting blame?

You can get the details later, in a way that helps rather than harms. But in the beginning, try to balance curiosity with self-protection.

Step Four: Let Him Show You Who He Is Now

One of the hardest things after a betrayal is seeing your husband clearly. You might feel torn between the man you thought you knew and the one who hurt you. You might even question everything you shared.

That’s why I suggest watching more than listening right now.

If he says he’s sorry, is he also showing that in his actions? If he claims it meant nothing, does he seem heartbroken for what he’s put you through? Does he seem willing to answer your questions—or get angry when you bring them up?

You don’t have to decide anything today. But do pay attention. The way he acts now will tell you a lot about whether healing is truly possible.

Step Five: Begin (Slowly) Turning Toward Yourself

After betrayal, it’s very easy to focus completely on your husband, the other woman, the marriage—and forget about the one person who needs your care the most: you.

You are not just a betrayed wife. You are a woman who is hurting, and you deserve support. This is the time to lean on the people who love you. To journal, walk, cry, rest. To eat something nourishing. To talk to a counselor or coach who understands what this kind of heartbreak feels like.

You may not feel strong right now. But you are. You are surviving something incredibly painful. And that means you already have more strength than you realize.

You Don’t Have to Know the Ending Right Now

I can’t promise what will happen from here. Some women go on to save their marriages and find a deeper intimacy than they ever had before. Others eventually decide to walk away—but do so from a place of peace rather than pain.

Both outcomes require time, healing, and clarity.

Right now, you don’t need to map out the whole future. You just need to take the next right step. And then the one after that.

You’ve already done the hardest part—facing the truth. Now, it’s about healing on your terms.

I promise, no matter how hopeless it may feel in this moment, you can come through this stronger, wiser, and more whole than before.

I didn’t think I could. But I did. You can read about exactly how I did it at https://surviving-the-affair.com

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