My Husband Is Now Saying I’m The Love Of His Life After His Affair
By: Katie Lersch: Many women are trying to evaluate their husband’s claims of everlasting love or sorrow after he has been caught having an affair. Many have their doubts about these claims and have a strong suspicion that he is only making these claims to minimize the fall out from the affair.
One might say: “now that the affair is out in the open and I have caught him, my husband is suddenly declaring his undying love for me. In fact, last night he told me that I was ‘the love of his life.’ It was all I could do to not laugh in his face. He hasn’t been sweet or loving to me in years. He pretty much just ignores me and never compliments me. But suddenly when I’ve caught him cheating and he is now afraid of losing everything, now I am the great love affair of his life. What a joke! I don’t even know how to respond to him when he says things like this. Because in my mind I’m saying sarcastic and nasty things like ‘well, you didn’t think I was the love of your life while you were cheating, you creep.’ I don’t know where to go from here. I have had girlfriends whose husbands leave them after having an affair. So part of me is grateful that he is still claiming to love me and wants to work things out. But there’s a part of my brain that is telling me he’s a liar. What am I supposed to do?”
I know that this is so frustrating. On the one hand, you really do want to believe what he says. But on the other, there’s a little voice in the back of your head telling you that you would be stupid to believe any claims that he made. The thing is, you can’t see inside of his mind and examine his exact thoughts. And most people aren’t going to hook him up to a lie detector and try to pinpoint if he’s lying. So this leaves you with a couple of choices. You can decide that you don’t want to believe anything he says because of his betrayal.
Or, you can approach it with openness combined with skepticism, which was the approach that I ultimately chose in my own situation. The truth is, time is going to tell you if his claims are true. If you truly are the great love of his life, then he is going to fight in the days to come to prove himself to you and win you back. He is going to do everything in his power to rehabilitate himself and to restore the trust. And he will be clear that this is his responsibility because he created this mess.
Nothing says you have to blindly believe exactly what he tells you. Of course, you are going to have doubts. But you might decide that you want to let him prove his claims. You may choose to give him the opportunity to back up his words with his actions. Then, if he doesn’t do that or he proves that he did not mean what he has said, then you will have your answer. But, if he does make good on his claims and he becomes the husband that he needs to be in order for you to save your marriage, then you might be glad that you gave him that one last chance.
This is not a decision that anyone can make but you. Often, you’ll need to evaluate his past actions and his current claims along with what you really want to happen with your marriage. Because you do have a say in the outcome. You get to make some decisions here. Many wives will give more leeway to men who have been good husbands until now, which was the case with me. Husbands who are serial cheaters or who have been husbands that have been lacking will sometimes find that their wife has run out of patience.
So to address this wife’s concern, I couldn’t tell her if her husband was sincere in his claims about his love for her. But I could tell her that some husbands do live up to their claims when given the chance. And unfortunately, you often won’t know the truth until you give him an opportunity and then wait and see how things turn out.
My husband made all sorts of claims after his affair. I believed almost none of them. But he pleasantly surprised me in the days following the infidelity. And he made good on his claims and promises. If I hadn’t given him the chance, I would’ve never known what could have been. If it helps, you can read my recovery story on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com/
Filed under: Uncategorized by admin
