Infidelity Articles By Katie Lersch

by: Katie Lersch: I sometimes hear from husbands who are desperately sorry for cheating on their wives and the pain that this has caused. They are also usually desperately afraid that they are going to lose their wives and their families. They are looking for advice on the most effective and meaningful things to do to prove that they are sorry for what they’ve done.

I have to admit that I’m sometimes reluctant to provide this information. I was cheated on also, but eventually, our marriage recovered. Although things are much better today, I remember the pain of that period of my life and I hesitate to give anyone information that they’re going to use to regain their spouse’s trust only to betray them again. But, it becomes evident after time that some of these men truly are sincere, remorseful, and able to be rehabilitated. This article is for those men, in the hopes that they can make the best of a painful situation and use their remorse as the inspiration to help their spouse heal.

Make Sure That You Can And Genuinely Intend To Follow Up On Your Promises: Insincerity and lies have a way of catching up with you eventually. Before you even get started on your quest to prove yourself to your wife, make sure that actually can and will become the trustworthy, loving, and decent husband that you’re promising her that you’re going to be. It’s so unfair to her for you to betray her trust more than once. If your affair was the result of any personal issues, then be sure that you have worked through them and confronted them before you attempt to ask for forgiveness or trust. Not only will this help to show your wife that you’re willing to do what is necessary to rehabilitate yourself, but it also helps to ensure that her trust is not going to be misplaced.

Commit To Taking Responsibility For Your Actions And The Healing Process: Other than betraying your wife more than once, the worst thing that you can do is to make silly excuses for yourself or to insinuate that your wife contributed to your own decisions. Don’t give her the old “but you didn’t pay attention to me or make me feel loved” excuse. Even if these things were absolutely true, you are an adult who is fully able to talk to her about this and ask for what you need rather than betraying your family and getting those things from someone else.

This was your decision and you made it solely on your own. You were not forced or tricked. Ultimately, you went through with this and she was allowed no input in this decision or any ability to stop it. This can not be taken back and now she is forced to deal with something over which she had no control. You must take responsibility for your part in this. You shouldn’t begin muttering excuses as a shield for your wife’s anger. This behavior will only likely appear cowardly and insincere to her. You’re much better off facing your mistakes head-on and also taking responsibility for not only the affair but also for taking the initiative to heal the affair.

Yes, your wife will have some work to do also and she’ll have to make some concessions, but the bulk of this burden is yours. You will receive her respect and attention much earlier if you realize and act on this immediately rather than only conceding to it when you are backed into a corner. The reason for this is that if she “makes” you finally come to your senses, she’s going to know or suspect that you’re only doing the right thing under duress.

Have Patience, Hang In There, And Give Her What She Needs From You To Heal From The Affair: You must understand that recovering from a betrayal this huge is going to take some time. You can not expect your wife to believe, trust, or forgive you until you have earned these things. This may not follow the time frame that you want or expect. You may have to have great deals of patience and you may have to stay put with loving support when she is angry and lashing out. This isn’t going to be pleasurable for you, but dealing with your affair is not at all pleasurable for her.

If you truly love her and want to make this right, your constant loving and remorseful presence must prove to her that you are sincere, committed, and intend to give her as long as she needs to process this. She needs to understand that you know exactly how devastating this is to her and that you are sorry. Also, she’s going to need your reassurance and your affection. She needs to know that she can believe what you are saying (even about the “little things”) at all times. Be exactly where you tell her that you are. Don’t tell even little white lies. Get her the help that you both need. Encourage her to do the things that make her happy and boost her self-esteem. Reassure her that you’re going to continue giving her what she needs, and, if this process isn’t happening, all she needs to do is to tell you where you’re lacking and you will improve.

If all of this sounds like a lot of work and a potentially long process, that’s because it is. But most men who have been successful at this will tell you that it was worth it and that it was directly related to the hurt that they have caused. This doesn’t have to be the end of your marriage, but you have some work to do to save it and regain her trust.