Infidelity Articles By Katie Lersch

By: Katie Lersch: I often hear from wives who just could not resist confronting the woman who their husband has been cheating with. Many wives expect or hope for a full confession or an apology. But often they get neither. And sometimes, this other woman will outright lie right to your face.

I recently heard from a wife who said “my husband admitted that he has been having an affair with one of our neighbors. He said at first they were just good friends. But eventually the affair turned emotional and just lately, there have been a few physical encounters. He admitted this to me because he didn’t want it go any further and he wants to save our marriage. He showed me a few emails between them where they were flirting back and forth. I stewed over this for several days. Then yesterday I was driving out of my neighborhood when I saw the other woman getting her mail. I could not resist stopping. And I told her I knew everything. She looked at me as if she didn’t have any idea what I was talking about. I told her I knew about her and my husband’s relationship. She asked me ‘what relationship’ and insisted that they were just friends. I told her I’d read the emails between them and then she got a little red in the face, but said that it was just a very friendly relationship and that my husband must have ‘gotten the wrong idea.’ How is having physical encounters with someone getting the wrong idea? And how is meeting one another behind your spouse’s back late at night and in secret likely to get misconstrued? Why is this woman lying to me? And how can I get her to admit the truth?” I’ll try to answer all of these questions in the following article.

Often The Other Woman Will Lie Because She Doesn’t Want To Face You Or She Wants To Make It Seems As If Your Husband Is Either To Blame Or Is Blowing Everything Out Of Proportion: Think about it for a second. I know it’s unfair to ask you to consider if the roles were reversed, but I think we can all agree that it’s probably not very pleasant to be staring at the angry, enraged wife of the man that you have been cheating with. So, it’s in the other woman’s best interest to flee the situation right away. And she’s likely to say what she has to say to ensure that this happens.

She would have to be pretty stupid to stand right there and admit every inappropriate thing she has done with your husband and how she’s been going behind your back and deceiving you all along. But if she can deny everything with a straight face or make your husband look like the main culprit or primary pursuer, then she’s probably hoping that as a result you will take your anger and go right home and direct it toward your husband instead of her.

And I also have to tell you that many times, it doesn’t matter how much proof you whip out, some women are just going to continue to lie no matter what. They are never going to come clean no matter how much you push them or insist that you know the truth. So continuing to pursue them will often just frustrate you and be a waste of your time. She often isn’t worth it anyway.

Place Your Attention On Yourself. Don’t Waste Any More Time On Her: I understand that you want for her to have the decency and the courtesy to admit what she did. But I can’t tell you how much correspondence that I get about this. And the number of wives who ever get the closure that they are after from this woman are decidedly in the minority. I know that what you’d really like is for her to throw up her hands and say “OK, you’ve got me. Pull up a chair and I’ll explain everything to you from the beginning,” but this hardly ever happens. Most of the time, she will do the exact opposite.

Unfortunately, continuing to confront her is usually just a waste of time because you’ll do better if you spend that same amount of time on your own healing and on rebuilding your marriage (if that is what you decide to do.)

In order to do both of those things, you will need to leave this woman far behind. So start right now. And know that often if you continue to pursue her, you’re only giving her ammunition to contact your husband and lament how you are bothering her. What you want instead is for your husband (and you) to cut off all contact with her so that she will have no choice but to get out of life and stay out.

I advised the wife in this scenario to say her peace and then to completely walk away from the other woman and begin to place her focus on her own healing and her marriage. She was sure she wanted to save her marriage and she did appreciate the fact that her husband told her everything and showed her the emails. So continuing to approach the neighbor was only keeping her in their life. Not only that, but it would give her an excuse to whine to the husband about how his wife wasn’t leaving her alone. I’d be willing to bet that neighbor called up the husband shortly after the wife left. And this is moving backward rather than forward. In short, it was continuing to give her a starring and central role in their lives and in their marriage. Instead, they needed to cast her out and place the focus back on themselves, where it belonged.

I know that even thinking about the other woman is painful and difficult, but make sure that you don’t give her more power than she deserves. Leave her alone and focus on yourself. Because healing is often closer than you may think. It took a lot of work and patience, but today my marriage is actually stronger than it ever was before. I also did a lot of work on myself and am happier as the result. I no longer worry my husband will cheat again. You can read my very personal story on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com/

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