Infidelity Articles By Katie Lersch

By: Katie Lersch: Unfortunately, some wives know or have to interact with the other woman. Perhaps she is a neighbor or former friend. She could even be a coworker with whom there has to be interaction. In whatever way the wife knows her, communications can be absolutely intolerable because the other woman can be quite smug about her perceived upper hand. She might think that she has something over the wife since she believes that the husband is hers. Because of this, the wife has no idea of the best way to approach her.

She might say, “I really want to do bodily harm to the woman my husband is having an affair with. However, she is my child’s teacher. So I cannot. But when we have to speak, she talks down to me, as though she is far superior and is having to lower herself to my level. She often acts as if she knows something that I don’t – as if she knows my child and my husband more than I do. She is so smug that I’d like to slap that smile off her face. How do I put her in her place in a way that doesn’t create a huge amount of drama? We already have tons of drama in our lives.”

Avoid Giving Her Any Satisfaction: Honestly, I would avoid her as much as I possibly could. I know that it might be impossible to avoid her entirely, but I see absolutely no benefit to interacting with her any more than you have to. She will bait you and then get satisfaction out of it.

Have Faith: As far as her getting what she deserves, you may not need to do anything at all. Here is why. Statistically speaking, most affairs end on their own – without your needing to lift a finger. Once the novelty wears out and the pressure and guilt mount, people can begin to see that it just isn’t worth the effort and the pain.

The Bleak Outlook: Even when the affair lasts for longer than it should, the other woman’s life is often no picnic. No matter how she may posture or what she may say, deep down, she will know that she is responsible for disrupting or even destroying lives. As a teacher, she is supposed to educate and protect children, not ruin their homes. If the other woman and husband end up in a long term relationship, your husband’s family and friends may not take kindly to her. They will all be well aware of how this couple met. They will know what she did to your child. Speaking of the child, the affair and / or the other woman will often get the blame for any struggles that child faces. If his grades drop, if he begins lashing out, if he one day struggles with mental health issues or his own romantic relationships, many will look at his broken family and point a finger. And who was the cause of that broken family? The other woman, of course. This doesn’t sound like a reason to be smug, does it?

Another issue that these other women deal with is trust. They know that they are with a man who was willing to turn his back on his family in search of a better deal. Sure, right now, she may think that she is “special.” However, that will fade. In time, she will begin to worry if the man who cheated WITH her will soon cheat ON her. If he did it once, what is to stop him from doing it again? Yes, she may try to tell herself that she will maintain a strong relationship so that he is never tempted to stray. But, let’s be real. ALL marriages and/or long term relationships will be challenged at some point.

Relationships that start as affairs have VERY low success rates. Think about it. The relationship has so much going against it. Everything may seem like fun and games at first. But eventually, people get hurt, finances are destroyed, and there is a huge price to pay. This high price can lead to resentment festering in an already fragile relationship. In time, the relationship that seemed so perfect can seem so doomed.

And when it all falls apart, she will know deep down in her heart that she has no one to blame but herself. She knew the family that she destroyed. She did it anyway. The man who she thought she “won” may well turn on her or end up being a cheater against her.

In the end, she may well end up with a destroyed reputation, a disastrous relationship, and the knowledge that her actions were inexcusable. Regardless of how smug she seems right now, this would be painful for anyone.

Envision This Future When You Interact And Then Take The High Road: My best advice would be to think of this very bleak picture the next time she acts superior around you. Don’t engage with her. Just have the knowledge that her position is very likely fleeting and short. So she may as well enjoy her perceived position at the top. It probably won’t last long. And even if it does, this scenario will have its own pain and misfortune. She will always be the woman who destroyed a family and damaged a child. There’s really nothing to envy about this.

It’s better to turn your attention away from her and put it on yourself and your own healing.  You can read about how I healed after my husband’s affair at http://surviving-the-affair.com

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