What Are The Signs That My Spouse Knows The Affair Was Wrong?
By: Katie Lersch: Many faithful spouses really want to see their spouse express all kinds of remorse and sorrow for their betrayal during a marital affair. But more than this, we’d really like to believe that he knows that what he did was wrong and that he understands exactly why it was wrong. Because if he does, then the belief is that there is less of a chance that he will do this again.
Unfortunately, many men do not express their wrongdoing in words. And so we watch them, looking for signs of the remorse and regret. We’re seeking proof of a knowledge of a huge mistake. Someone might ask: “how do I know if my husband truly understands his affair was wrong? He seems to have a lot of excuses about why he cheated. He also makes attempts to justify it and he gets defensive. I told him that it appears as if he’s reluctant to concede that it was wrong, but he told me he did know that he was wrong but he’s not going to fall all over himself saying it all of the time. He said that I am just going to have to take his word for it. But that’s not good enough for me. I’ve been watching his behavior and trying to see where he’s acting like a man who knows he was wrong. But I’m not really seeing anything that looks reassuring. What are the signs that a man knows that the affair was wrong?”
I can tell you my opinion, but this is only one woman’s thoughts. And not seeing these signs doesn’t mean your husband isn’t aware he was wrong. It just may mean that he hasn’t altered his behavior. Sometimes, if you really feel that you need to see more of something, you may have to ask him for it or bring it to his attention directly. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always just magically happen.
He’s Putting In A Lot Of Extra Effort When It Comes To You And Your Marriage: Even if a man isn’t saying that he is wrong, if he knows that he is, then his actions should be in alignment with this. And a man who knows he is wrong and feels regret will commonly make every effort to do what is right moving forward. That means you should see him trying to do right by you. Of course, depending on your husband and your marriage, this may take on many different forms. You may see him trying to be move loving or attentive. You may see him trying to reassure you of his love or that the affair is most definitely over. These attempts may be clumsy and seem half hearted and this can be common. But regardless, you want to see the attempt, however, ineffective, being made.
He’s At Least Trying To Remove What Lead Up The Affair: A man who has some awareness that he was wrong may try to remove the triggers that lead him to participate in risky behavior in the first place. So a man who started an affair while drinking may try to stop drinking. A man who met the other woman at a gym may end his membership to that same gym. The list goes on and on. But you will often see him make an effort to remove the temptation or the behaviors that lead up to this. And he won’t always make a big announcement about it. He may even keep it to himself.
He May Attempt To Apologize To You Or Even To The Other Woman: A man who feels remorse may realize that he was unfair to both women. Wives often become quite furious and worried when they find out their husband apologized to the woman he has been cheating with. But actually, this isn’t always a bad sign. It can mean that he realizes the affair must end and that he can’t offer the other woman anything at all. As a result, he may feel badly that he got her involved in the first place. Honestly, I’ve heard men say that it’s easier to apologize to the other woman than their wives. And I think one of the reasons for this is that he knows that he won’t see the other woman again. He can say what he needs to say and walk away. But with his wife, this is not the case. In any event, sometimes you’ll hear him mutter apologies, even if they don’t always sound completely heartfelt or sincere.
I’d like to mention one more thing. Sometimes, it appears that a man is indignant and making an attempt to justify the affair. And this may be what he is portraying on the outside. But the outside and the inside are not always the same. Most men know deep in their hearts that cheating on their spouse is wrong. Sure, they will try to justify it and they will act like they aren’t sorry in the hopes of getting you to back off on making them feel guilty or ashamed. But this is usually at least partly for show. Deep down, most people fully understand that cheating is wrong and worthy of remorse.
I didn’t see every one of these signs with my own husband immediately. But I asked for those I didn’t. Because I did want to see evidence of full awareness followed by remorse. There’s more on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com
Filed under: Uncategorized by admin
