Why Doesn’t The Mistress Feel Guilty?
Many wives make assumptions about how the other woman or mistress feels about the husband and about the affair. Some wives do not have to guess because they have actually confronted the other woman. Often, the wife is hoping for an apology or plea for forgiveness. Many times, what the wife gets instead is indigence. The mistress will claim that she did nothing wrong and has nothing to be sorry for. The wife can have a hard time understanding this because she is coming at this issue from a completely different place.
She might say, “I already know my husband’s mistress. She used to be my friend before she started up with my husband. I know about the affair because she told me via text. Needless to say, I am furious with her and I confronted her in person. I asked her how she could do this to me. I told her that I thought she was a better person than this. I told her she was no better than the low-life women we used to make fun of for being home-wreckers as children. She laughed at me and told me to grow up. She said that we both know that she is a good person and that I have no right whatsoever to act like the wounded party. Why would she act like this? How can the mistress seemingly have no guilt?”
She may be posturing. She may have guilt but doesn’t want to acknowledge it. Or she may have a thought process that is common to many women who cheat with husbands that don’t belong to them. I will outline some of these thoughts below.
They Are Two Consenting Adults: When they are being honest, many mistresses will tell you that they have no need for shame because they didn’t force anyone to do anything that they didn’t want to do. In other words, she will claim that your husband came willingly. She will claim that people above a certain age do not need anyone’s permission to live their lives exactly as they wish. She’ll assert that your marriage is not her business and that she merely had a relationship with another consenting adult, which is not a crime.
If There Is A Problem With Your Marriage, Look At Yourself: Many mistresses will assert that someone else’s marriage is not her business or responsibility. If your marriage is unhappy or in jeopardy, then this is no one’s fault but your own. And no one can fix it but you.
If Your Husband Had Been Happy At Home, He Wouldn’t Have Sought Her Out: This defense is very popular with mistresses. They’ll say that it is the wife’s responsibility to keep her husband happy. If she doesn’t , then the husband becomes fair game. Never mind that she has no idea about the state of your marriage and she would never bother to find out for herself. Instead, she’ll simply believe what she wants to believe and tell herself that your husband was justified in escaping a bad marriage.
She’s Entitled To Happiness: She may know that cheating is wrong and she may even be fully aware that she pursued your husband. But none of this matters because her happiness trumps everything else. She may believe that she deserves to live her best life no matter how it happens.
They Are Meant To Be Together: Another game the mistress likes to play is convincing herself that she’s allowed this relationship because she and the husband are “soul mates” or were somehow fated to be together. She’ll tell herself that everyone must move out of the way for a love this strong.
She’s Saving Him From You: This one is the most maddening. Many “other women” like to believe that the husband cheated as a way to escape a dreadful life with an awful wife. Who could blame the poor guy for trying to escape this? She’s justified because his circumstances were so awful before and he was merely seeking solace in her arms.
The Right Response: My hope is that this article has shown you that the mistresses’ thought process can be delusional. She has to fool herself so that she can carry out the affair. Otherwise, most people would be too guilt-ridden to even enjoy it or to carry on with it.
So what does this tell you about your best response? That often, there’s no need to bother with trying to get her to see reason. She’s already figured out a way to tell herself lies. She’s not interested in what you have to say because listening to the truth means she’ll have to face up to what she’s done. She’s already proven that she’s unwilling to do this.
So, deal with who cares about what you think and what you do – you, your family, and perhaps, your husband. Invest in someone that you might actually still have a relationship with in the future. If you still care about salvaging your marriage, get your information from him. Try to reason with him. But honestly, whether she feels guilty or not probably isn’t going to have any effect whatsoever on your life and your bottom line.
Focus on how YOU feel. If you want to save your marriage, focus on how your husband feels. Because it doesn’t matter how she feels. Get her out of your life and out of your mind. Trying to reason with her is like trying to pet a porcupine. Take a sheet out of her book. Tell yourself that her guilt or thought process isn’t your business or responsibility. Leave her to her deal with the consequences of her own behavior. And then you worry about getting your life back to where you want it. I know exactly how frustrating this is. I went through it, but I came out just fine on the other side. I fought back and I won. There’s more at http://surviving-the-affair.com
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