By: Katie Lersch: Many women are contact me are in a situation where their husband is still involved with the other woman or mistress despite the wife’s best efforts to get him away from her. Sometimes, he is actually now living with the other woman. Other times, he is still at home but the wife knows that he is still with the mistress emotionally and physically.
I often hear from wives who want to get him away from her as soon as possible. Many feel as if they could just figure out the right thing to say, they could perhaps start to swing the momentum in their favor. I recently heard from a wife who said: “my husband claims to still love me, but he says he loves her too. He won’t leave her alone no matter how much I beg him to let her go once and for all. It’s clear to me that my husband is really with her instead of me. His feelings are for her. His thoughts are of her. How can I get his feelings and his loyalty to come back to me? How can I get him back from her? What exactly do I need to say to make this happen?”
I wish I could tell you the perfect, magical words to say to take your husband back from the other woman or mistress. But the truth is, this varies from marriage to marriage and from husband to husband. And it’s often a combination of many things that will get your husband back if he is meant to come back, not just what you say. However, I do think that there are some wrong things to say and some right things to say when you’re trying to get him back. I will discuss them in the following article.
The Wrong Things To Say When Trying To Get Your Husband To Come Back From The Other Woman
“It’s Me Or Her. Make A Choice.” I understand wanting to say this. It’s not fair for him to have both of you. But if you are going to give this ultimatum, then you must be prepared to truly walk away if he chooses her. And many wives are just not prepared to do this. So saying these words is a very dangerous game.
Not only that, but most people will resist being told what to do. If you draw that line in the sand, he may well make a decision that he would not have made if you had given him more time. Of course, you may be at the point where you feel as though you don’t want to wait any longer. And that is understandable. But it’s important to understand that this is a big risk if you still want him or your marriage.
“You Will Regret It If You Don’t Leave Her And Go Back To Me. You Will Lose Everything.”: In the same way that men don’t like ultimatums in this situation, they also do not like threats. I understand why this strategy is tempting. But it will often back fire on you, even if you threaten him with something that he holds very dear like his children. Because he will see it as a challenge to have both her and his kids. Threats are usually a bad idea because they put you in a weak and desperate position and you both know that even if he gives in, he’s only there because of the threat and not because he made a genuine or authentic decision.
“You Look Like An Idiot. Everyone Is Laughing At You. Come Home Before It’s Too Late.” Many women will try to show their husband how mistaken he is and how stupid he looks for risking everything for a woman who he doesn’t even know that well or who he isn’t married of committed to. And while you may well be right about this, your making him doubt or feel badly about himself isn’t going to earn you any points and it isn’t going to get you any closer to him willingly and happily coming back to you, which of course is what you really want.
What Could Be Preferable To Say To Your Husband When Trying To Get Him To Leave The Other Woman And Come Back To You:
“I Know That You Will Eventually Make The Right Decision. But Until Then, I Can’t Focus On Our Marriage When You Are With Someone Else.” I believe this is a good alternative to giving him an ultimatum. With this tactic, you aren’t nagging him. You aren’t leaning on him. You are telling him that you have every confidence that he will one day come to his senses but, until then, you have to take care of yourself. And you can’t do that if you are part of a silly love triangle. So let him know that when he makes the right decision, you will then be willing to talk about your marriage.
Many wives are scared of going this route, but to me, it combines the best of both worlds. You are urging him to come back to you because you are no longer giving him open access to do as he wants, but you aren’t leaning on him so much that he resists because of the pressure.
I never told my husband it was her or me, but I did make all types of other threats that not only didn’t work, but they were beneath me. Once I drew the line in the sand in a more positive way that allowed me to keep my dignity, things got much better and we eventually saved our marriage. It if helps, you can read that very personal story on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com
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