Infidelity Articles By Katie Lersch

By: Katie Lersch: Every husband is an individual. And every infidelity is also unique. But there are sometimes themes around the responses cheating husbands will give when they’ve potentially been caught cheating.

Wives often wonder if the excuse their husband is trying to sell them falls under this category.

A wife might say, “My husband left his phone on the kitchen counter, and he must have realized it pretty quickly, because he rushed in to retrieve it right away. He also had a panicked look on his face. Before he could pick it up, I saw a text message with a picture of a topless woman on it. Something immediately clicked in my head because my husband has been acting so weird lately. He’s incredibly short with me. He’s never present. And he’s out much, much more. In fact, I asked him a couple of weeks ago if there was someone else, and he joked that sure, her name was Halle Berry. Basically he tried to make a joke. So I asked him straight up if he was cheating on me. And his response was that I didn’t see what I think I saw, but he wouldn’t show me his phone. And now he refuses to talk about it, saying I’m making ‘ludicrous accusations.'” Is this typical of what a man will say when he’s cheating?”

It can be. As I’ve said before, men are individuals. However, there are DEFINITE themes. Below, I’ll list some of them.

You’re Paranoid, Crazy, or Mistaken: A favorite of cheating husbands is to make it seem as what the wife is accusing him of is so outlandish that it couldn’t possibly be true. To accomplish this, he’ll insinuate that you’re “out of your mind,” or “acting ridiculous,” or “out of control.”

My mother used to say that when someone protests too much, you can often flip their words to know the truth. It’s quite possible that it is the husband who is out of his mind. Or it is the husband who is out of control.

Sure, it’s not impossible to let your insecurities get the better of you. It happens. But if your gut and your common sense are telling you that something is wrong, you don’t need to let him tell you that you’re paranoid when you know that you’re not.

There’s a Logical Explanation: When a husband is caught nearly red-handed, he often knows that he’s going to need to make some sort of concession. He’ll need to confess to some sort of lessor infraction to make his denial plausible. So sometimes he’ll say yes, you did see an inappropriate picture on his phone. But it was just a joke.

Or yes, the woman at work is calling him. She wants a relationship, but he’s been putting her off and telling her that he’s married.

Or yes, he has struck up a friendship with this other woman, but it hasn’t and won’t turn physical.

Sometimes, he is telling the truth. But often, he is not.

You’ll need to decide if you want to buy what he’s selling based on your own intuition and the information that you’ve been able to gather.

You’re Out of Line for Making This Type of Allegation: Sometimes, a husband will try to turn this around on you. He’ll act as if he is the injured party.

And he’ll get angry because he’s supposedly the recipient of an unfair allegation.

He’ll say things like, “I can’t believe that you’d think this of me.”

Or “Well, I see how you really feel about me if you think that I’d do something like this.”

The idea is to make you feel guilty or mistaken for the accusation so that you will stop making it.

And hopefully, you’ll be scared to bring it up again.

Turning the Tables – You’re the One Who is Doing Something Wrong: I’ve had wives tell me that, when accused of cheating, the husband will try to turn the tables.

He’ll tell the wife that the reason she’s seeing behavior that doesn’t exist is that she is the one who is cheating.

They’ll say her guilty conscience is making her accuse him.

They figure if they can put you on the defensive, you’ll back off.

Of course, this is the easiest one to dispel. You know you’re not having an affair. You know you haven’t done anything wrong. So his game playing is much more obvious.

Deciding How to Proceed: If you have a husband who is doing his very best to get you off his back, you’ll need to decide how convincing you think he truly is.

Many wives think it makes sense to regroup and concentrate on catching him so that he no longer has the room to deny it.

Others will insist that there’s nothing that the husband can do or say to convince her that he isn’t cheating.

In other words, she is going to proceed as though he is cheating because his excuses don’t make sense.

How you move forward depends on whether or not you’re ready to proceed if he is cheating.

Some wives watch and wait until they have more, indisputable information.

And other wives can’t just go about their lives thinking that their husband is cheating and so they’ll just act as if he is.

He can say or do whatever he wants, but she is going to do what works for her if he were in fact cheating.

Could you be wrong? Yes, you definitely could.

However, statistics say that up to 85% of women are right when they think their husband is cheating.

That doesn’t mean your husband is cheating. Statistics can be (and sometimes are) wrong.

But at least this might back you if your husband is trying to make you feel as if you’re brazen for even bringing it up.

Unfortunately, I didn’t see my husband’s affair coming, so I always envy the wives who do.  Still, recovery is tough no matter how the affair is found out.  That doesn’t mean you can’t recover, though.  You can read about how I did it at https://surviving-the-affair.com

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