Infidelity Articles By Katie Lersch

By: Katie Lersch One of the most heartbreaking and confusing things I hear from wives—and believe me, I hear it often—is something along the lines of:

“We were happy. Things were good between us. There were no major red flags. So how could he cheat?”

And sometimes, I hear almost the exact same thing from the husbands who did the cheating. They’ll say things like:

“I don’t know what I was thinking. My wife is amazing. I love her. I honestly thought our marriage was solid. And now I’ve blown it. And I don’t even fully understand why I did it.”

So if you’re asking yourself how it’s possible for a “happily married” man to betray everything you both built together, you’re definitely not alone. And you’re not crazy for thinking, This just doesn’t make sense.

But here’s the hard truth I’ve come to learn after countless stories, questions, and even my own experience: Some men cheat even when their marriages are good. Even when they love their wives. Even when they’re not looking to destroy their families. And while that might sound completely illogical, it does happen. I’ll explain why.

Sometimes, It Has Very Little To Do With You (Or Your Marriage): This is hard to hear at first because it’s so tempting to internalize the blame. I did it myself. But many men don’t cheat because their wives aren’t enough or because their marriages are falling apart.

Instead, they cheat because something inside of them feels broken. It could be stress at work. Or the death of a parent. Or feeling like they’re aging and no longer desirable.
Maybe they’ve hit a midlife crisis and don’t know how to say, “I’m scared,” so instead they try to feel powerful again with someone new.

I’ve seen men cheat shortly after losing their jobs. Or after a big health scare. Or even after a professional success that left them feeling unexpectedly empty.

They didn’t cheat because they wanted to hurt their wives. They cheated because they weren’t dealing with their emotions in a healthy way.

Is that an excuse? No. Is it a reason? Sometimes, yes.

Some Men Follow The Patterns Around Them: There’s something else that comes up in a surprising number of stories I hear: Men who cheat often have people in their lives who also cheat or who act like cheating is no big deal.

I’m talking about coworkers who brag about affairs on business trips. Friends who laugh off inappropriate behavior. Even fathers or uncles who modeled this as “normal” in the household.

No, this doesn’t cause a man to cheat. But it does create an environment where the line becomes easier to cross. Especially if that man is already vulnerable, distracted, or facing a personal crisis.

Again, not an excuse. But it’s a piece of the puzzle.

So… Does This Mean He Didn’t Love You?: That’s what you’re probably asking underneath all the other questions.
If he really loved me, how could he do this? And that’s a fair question. But love and betrayal, unfortunately, are not always mutually exclusive.

There are men who deeply love their wives and still make the devastating mistake of cheating. The truth is, some men cheat not because they don’t care, but because they’re not thinking. They’re reacting. They’re avoiding. They’re trying to fill something inside of them that has nothing to do with their marriage.

And yes, it’s unfair that you are the one paying the price for his confusion. I won’t argue with that.

But if you’re still trying to figure out what happened and whether your marriage is even salvageable, please know that blaming yourself isn’t the answer.

What Helped Me Heal: I’ve been there. I was one of those wives who thought we were truly happy. And in many ways, we were.

So when I found out about the affair, I didn’t know which way was up. I didn’t recognize my own life.
And like many of you, I asked: Why?

It took me a long time, and a lot of honest work on myself, to realize that his cheating wasn’t about me being “not enough.”
It was about him being lost. And eventually, we both did the work. We repaired what we could. We rebuilt from the ashes. And somehow, we came out stronger.

I’m not saying it was easy. I’m not even saying every marriage should be saved. But I am saying that if you’re in this place – wondering how something so painful could happen in a marriage that felt so good – there are answers. And there is hope.

If you’d like to read more about how I handled my own husband’s affair, I share a deeply personal story at: http://surviving-the-affair.com

Please don’t give up on your healing. You’re not crazy. You’re not alone. And you are stronger than you think.

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