Infidelity Articles By Katie Lersch

By: Katie Lersch: There is a stereotype of the aging man who has an affair with the golddigger younger woman. For the most part, this is who we picture when we think about marital infidelity. However, statistics tell us a very different story. It is not just men who cheat. It is not just older folks that cheat. There is not one “type” of dishonest or weak people who cheat. In fact, it is increasingly easy for otherwise upstanding spouses to chat, sext, or interact with others with the touch of a button and then not even consider it to be wrongdoing.

I hear from many people who never suspected that their spouse was the “type” of person to cheat. They will insist that he was always honest and never on the prowl. They will point out how much he loves his children and wants to take care of his family. I completely understand this thought process because I used to think this way also. But, I now know that in truth, there is no “type” who cheats. Most people can be vulnerable to it, given the right circumstances. Below, I’ll offer some statistics that show the answer to “who cheats?” or “who has affairs?” is “potentially everyone.”

Women Are Almost As Likely To Cheat As Men: Statistics show that 50-60 percent of married men cheat on their spouses. Compare that number with 45-50 percent of married women. Yes, men are slightly more likely to cheat, but married women cheat with increasing frequency and cheat almost as much as men.

Most People Don’t Intend To Cheat. Many Are Not Searching For It: Although we often think that most affairs begin because people actively seek it via websites that are popping up everywhere, in truth this just isn’t always the case. You so often hear comments like, “I saw an old friend at the library.” Or “someone from high school messaged me on Facebook.” They’ll describe it as an opportunity that just dropped into their lap and then they find themselves chatting with the other person for hours. They’ll convince themselves that fate brought them something special. So yes, they respond when they could have looked the other way, but they didn’t necessarily seek it out.

Age Can Matter: Although people of all ages cheat, middle age is a common time for cheating among both genders. However, for men, the risk of cheating actually goes up as they age. Women peak in middle age and then taper off.

Education Levels: Those with a college education are slightly more likely to cheat than those with only a high school diploma. However, the difference is very slight.

Divorced Parents: People whose parents divorced in childhood are more likely to cheat than those whose parents remained married while they grew up.

Religion: Those who regularly attended some form of church services were slightly less likely to cheat than those who rarely did. But again, the differences are slight.

Extreme Age Difference Between The Spouses: Couples who have age differences of 15 years or more are more likely to suffer from infidelity. Scientists theorize that differences in perceptions, culture, and habits might play a role.

The End Of A Decade: Interestingly, people are a little more likely to cheat before they have a decade birthday or when their age ends in the number 9. In other words, people who are 29, 39, 49 etc. are slightly more likely to cheat. This may be due to people being aware of aging and wondering if their life has a purpose (much like a midlife crisis.)

The Need For Something New: Admittedly, some people cheat because they are seeking new experiences which they don’t feel that they can get at home. This may be sexual, emotional, or intellectual.

Revenge: People whose partner has cheated on them become much more likely to cheat, possibly because their spouse has already defined that fidelity is not a given in their marriage. Sometimes, they want to show their partner how it feels to be cheated on.

Economics / Income: Women will lower incomes are slightly more likely to cheat than women with higher incomes. However, the largest statistically-increased group occurs where the wife makes more money than her husband.

Warmer Weather: Warmer months have higher rates of infidelity. Scientists aren’t sure why this happens, but there are definitely higher rates of cheating in the summer months. One theory is that people travel more during this time and therefore have more opportunities.

So, What Does This Us Leave Us With?: Although we now have a bigger picture of “who cheats,” it is important to understand that these categories often presented with only very slight differences.

There is no “smoking gun” that points to the typical cheater or the partner that you need to watch out for or keep an eye on. And this can be frustrating and scary, but it can also teach us how important it is to try to maintain our emotional and physical intimacy with our partner. If you are able to keep him busy engaging with you, then he is less likely to have the time and inclination to become one of the statistics listed above.

As you can see, people across all walks of life cheat when the opportunity presents itself or when they choose to seek out that opportunity. But there is not one type. Men, women, young, old, rich, poor, etc. can all find themselves in a marriage marred by infidelity. No one is safe and no one is fated, either.  I never thought that I would be part of this group, but I was.  However, we did recover.  You can read more on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com

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