Infidelity Articles By Katie Lersch

Many faithful wives spend a lot of time thinking about their husband’s affair. Understandably, these wives have questions, many of which share a common theme. The wives want to know which feelings were the foundation of the affair. To that end, wives wonder how their husband treated the other woman.

A wife might ask questions like, “How do cheaters treat their affair partner? It irks me to think about my husband wining and dining this woman. I hate to picture him spending tons of money on her when we’ve been scrimping for our retirement. He swears that he didn’t pamper her. He says that he was honest that he would never leave me. He claims he was clear that there wasn’t much in it for her. However, I have seen texts between them. He was very playful and flirty with her. So I find his claims very hard to believe. How do married men typically treat the affair partner? In fair disclosure, my husband treats me quite well. However, he hasn’t been flirty and playful with me in quite some time. So knowing that he probably pampered her or made her a priority will hurt.”

The Various Ways Men Treat The Other Woman: Frankly, the treatment of the affair partner can vary just like the treatment of a wife can. It’s common for a man to be on his best behavior early on in the relationship. During these early stages, either of them can try to lure the other into a relationship that they both know is wrong. This process can include expensive gifts or meals. However, this phase often passes once the affair no longer feels new.

Believe it or not, some men do try to resist the affair and can be indifferent to the other woman, which she may find alluring or challenging. In these situations, the other woman will sometimes respond by pursuing more aggressively.

There are also cases where both people are married. Often, both are clear that the affair will never replace their marriages. In these examples, the affair can play out like a business arrangement.

Finally, some people come to resent their affair partner because of the guilt or the high emotional price of carrying out an affair. In these cases, the treatment of the affair partner can become passive-aggressive.

Regardless Of How He Treats Her, The Secrecy And The Deception Of The Affair Means It’s A Second Class Relationship: I know it is painful to think about your husband treating the other woman as if he genuinely cares about or wants to impress her. But, you don’t know for certain that he did. However, even if you assume that this is true, there is something else to consider.

Unless your husband confessed the affair and then proclaimed that he was leaving you for the other woman, he has not made the affair his priority. Instead, he buried this relationship underneath lies and deceit. He did not free himself to have a healthy, new relationship that he could be proud of in the future. No, he kept this gem of a relationship hidden. Why? Because he probably was not serious about it.

No matter how he might have treated this woman, the secrecy of the affair means he had doubts. If he was certain that truly loved her, he would have passed this onto you. He did not because he was unsure. Deep down, most men know that the affair is going to end. So they hope to go on with their lives and their marriages. The other woman usually has no place in their long-term future, regardless of how they treat her today.

Yes, your husband might have been a man who was deceiving both his wife and the other woman. In essence, he was treating both women in similar ways. I’m not sure if that makes it better or worse, but it’s one reason I believe it doesn’t always matter how he treated her. You (and she) can’t trust his behaviors during the affair anyway.

What To Do With This Knowledge: I know what I’ve written above is difficult to take in. You could almost view the other woman as someone who has been duped. However, if she knew he was married, then she is as much at fault. People play mind games with themselves to carry out an affair. Obviously, they often act in ways that are not normal for them.

Whether they will later try to make up for this behavior remains to be seen. But most people who carry out an affair will abandon their normal personalities during it.

Since there will always be unknowns about the affair, I believe you have to evaluate your husband on how he has treated YOU. I also believe you have to consider his behavior before, during, and after the affair. For example, after much work and rehabilitation, I eventually chose to move forward with my own marriage. My husband was mostly an outstanding husband before and after the affair. I could not discount this even though his behavior during the affair was deplorable.  It took much time to restore the trust, but eventually, we did. (That story is at: http://surviving-the-affair.com)

Do not underestimate the power of healing if you wish to move past this. It takes work. It takes time. It takes determination. But it is possible. That said, everyone’s choice about their own marriage is authentic and should not be questioned.

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